Song of the Article: “R U Mine ?” by Arctic Monkeys
What is Love? Besides one of Twice’s best title tracks, love can be many different things; it truly depends on who you’re talking to.
Love is something that is truly sacred to me, it always has been. I’ve read romance novels, watched romance K-dramas, made playlists wishing I were the one getting playlists made for me, daydreamed about crushes in my free time, gotten upset over happy couples on TikTok and dreamed about one day truly finding the “one true love.” It’s always been my dream, and I blame Disney movies for that. But you can’t ever tell me that one day I won’t end up like Megara from Hercules or Tiana from Princess and the Frog, in my heart, it’ll come through and I will find my soulmate, no matter how long it takes, I know deep in my heart, deep in my soul, I will find “The One.” There’s one problem there: I have a teeny, tiny, habit of love bombing. Okay, a big problem. Sue me.
Now what is “love bombing,” you may ask. And if you are asking that, dear reader, let me indulge in the world of someone who has love bombed in every relationship they’ve had, even in every friendship I’ve been in. Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. This can include excessive compliments, always getting/receiving gifts whether it’s an anniversary or not, always wanting to be with them or them always wanting to be with you 24/7 and sometimes saying “I love you” far too early into the relationship. I am unfortunate to announce that I am guilty of every single one of these things and still am guilty with the friendships I am currently in. Love bombing can be done for positive or negative reasons; sometimes this may happen in abusive relationships when the person is trying their hardest to make sure you NEVER leave them, and the love bombing is just another way of guilt tripping you into staying with them.
My reason for love bombing was because of my irrational fear of losing someone close to me and never truly finding the love I so dearly long for. I didn’t want to lose someone who could possibly be the soulmate I had been searching for my entire adolescence. I could never bring myself to rip away a dream I’ve had since I was four, I couldn’t do that to little Venus, not again. This is where my last relationship comes into play and how much I love bombed without even realizing it.
My last relationship lasted almost two years, and it only ended because I ended it, because I knew in my heart it wasn’t meant to be. But the love bombing was absolutely insane, like “Crazy” by Wonho kind of crazy, and for all the non-K-pop fans out there, it was a “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce kind of crazy. We were high school sweethearts (stream “High School Sweethearts” by Melanie Martinez) and when we started dating, I thought I had finally met “the one” and that fear of losing them immediately came into play. I went all out when I asked them out, I got them gifts in case they said yes, got them gifts every single monthversary, constantly wrote them letters, spent most of my paycheck getting just them gifts plus the gifts for their birthday that I had missed due to being eight hours away from them. I always tried to make plans to be with them whenever I would be in the city due to a break or anything like that, I tried to set up online dates like movie nights or just Facetime calls or falling asleep on calls. I said “I love you” first, weeks into dating; not months, WEEKS. I kissed her before we had even started dating in the first place, I was utterly cooked with her, I truly loved her and I loved being with her. But there comes a price when you love bomb someone who is starting to fall out of love with you and you can slowly begin to tell that it is beginning to become the case, even when you want to ignore it, you already know deep down.
“It was the fact that she knew, no matter what he did, she’d still love him.” – Rue from Euphoria
There’s something truly painful about forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone even when you know they will never truly love you the way you love them. I realized that far too late, but maybe that was my fault, I think about that a lot. What would have happened if I went to college closer to her? Got her more gifts? Told her I loved her more? But then once I get hit by my suitemate and closest friend on this campus, I realized I did more than enough, she just didn’t love me. There aren’t enough “I love yous” in the entire galaxy to have made her love me the way she did when we first got together. There are enough matching phone cases or playlists I could have made to make her love me again, and I think that was the worst part, not even relationship apps, or matching pet widgets. Five days ago, I would have spent two years with someone that never loved me, and that scares me more than any of my other fears, more than heights, more than seeing faces in the dark, the fact that I would have been in a one-sided relationship still to this day.
I think the day I truly accepted was one of the worst days, like that’s top five. Staring at our texts after another argument over something silly where she ignored me until the morning and made me feel like it was my fault, I slowly began to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t receiving the love that I deserved, the love that I so easily gave to her and I think I would have rather been ran over by my friend’s car than fully accept that. But one day, everyone has to, and that was my day. It broke my heart into a million pieces, but it was kinda worth it, in an “I would rather bungee jump off the Empire State Building than go through again” kind of way, you know what I mean?
The lesson of my article, my lovely reader, is that there isn’t enough you can do to make someone who doesn’t love you, love you again. Like Kim Taehyung said, “I wish you would love me again,” and he was right, I wished she’d love me again but she didn’t and that’s okay, I’ve moved past it and I know that I have to come first. Do I still love bomb? Yes. Yes I do, I will buy my friends anything they want with no hesitation and won’t ever regret it, no matter how much money I end up spending. Hell, I’m going to hang out with my friend right now to make sure they don’t hate me. So as a final message to you all, from the bottom of my achey, breaky heart, I love you, love yourselves, stream “Magnetic” by Illit and commit crimes :).