The door was closed, and the camera was off.
One could say she felt nervous, excited, accomplished, or proud. Yet the only feeling she felt at that very moment was outright fear. As she sat only a few feet away from the camera, the painful memories began to flood her every thought.
“Coding is for… a different kind of people.”
“It won’t be easy, not a lot of girls like you are into computers.”
“Have you thought about changing your major?”
“You don’t belong here.”
She notices the camera blinking in a distinct pattern, with the word “On” appearing in a faintly red hue. She smiles, as though her previous thoughts were only figments of her imagination, and began to partake in one of the most meaningful experiences of her lifetime.
At 17 years old, I became the youngest female speaker for the Christian Game Developers Conference. It may sound prestigious, but it was a much smaller organization at the time. With only an hour, I talked about what inspired me to become a woman in STEM. I talked about how my interest in technology became a dream, then a hobby, and later a career.
I remember sitting on my dad’s lap around the simple age of six, where he taught me how to program games of my very own. Though as much as I struggled with typing in my younger years, he never told me that computers were for boys, or that it would be difficult to get into such an industry as a female. He believed in me, and I felt unstoppable.
I joined a programming club three years later, where I was greeted with a, “You must be lost! Where are you trying to get to?” I remember explaining that I wanted to make games, with a condensed vocabulary that only a 9-year-old could communicate. Long story short, I was told to go to the office, call my dad, and go home.
I faced similar experiences during both my middle school and high school years, and even in college. But because I had come so far, I did not want to quit. My experiences with criticism made me want to prove others wrong, and being a speaker at that conference was one of my biggest attempts. I used criticism as an anger-filled fuel to spitefully gain achievements, hoping to catch a glimpse of their shocked faces while performing a TED Talk in my mid-twenties. But now, I have learned that it was because of their comments that I continued to challenge myself. I am proud to be a woman in STEM, and I am proud of how others have also used criticism to further improve.
Every life on this Earth has been given many gifts, and you should feel excited and proud when you not only discover the skills you possess but use them to make a beneficial impact. Whether you are in STEM, education, business, arts, or something else, remember to admire your journey and how far you have come.
Words can be hurtful and have caused many to stop their passions. But since the day I decided to challenge myself with my own goals, rather than proving others wrong out of spite, I have felt much more at peace. I have felt peace in knowing that no matter what I do or what I accomplish, I did not do it to please or surprise others. Instead, I choose to do it for myself.