For a majority of college students, it seems to be fairly common for young love to surface with powerful energy. Whether the lovers meet in class, at an event, through mutual connections, or through relationship-attaining devices and/or methods, the beloved partners’ relationship grows stronger over time. This period of time – whether it be long or short – can encourage a partner to suggest taking things to the next step: marriage. A very common example of this kind of encouragement can be seen through the “Ring by Spring” tradition.
What is “ring by spring”?
Stacy Keogh George wrote an article breaking down the romantic tradition, explaining who participates in this, percentages of locations where this “culture” is encouraged, and mentioning how pressuring and stressful this can be. Her article, “Beyond the ‘Ring by Spring’ Culture” reads,
“The tagline “ring by spring” signifies the tongue-in-cheek ambition of many traditional (eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old) Christian college and university students to be engaged by spring semester of their senior year. While students and faculty may joke about the marriage-obsessed ring by 48 Chastity spring culture, it dispenses a social psychological burden that follows students, particularly women, throughout their undergraduate experience.”
“Beyond the ‘Ring by Spring’ Culture”
“Ring by Spring” is a fast-spreading cloud of a tradition that encourages young Christian students “in love” to jump the broom. This may sound like an enticing, beautiful, and exhilarating idea to the lovebirds, but the couple may not realize what they are signing up for. 50% of all married couples end up filing for divorce. 60% of marriages of couples under the age of 25 end in divorce. This percentage of separations is extremely high. When getting engaged, the ideal goal is to be with this person forever. However, some individuals are not fully aware of how compatible and realistic this decision can be.
What factors make someone ready for marriage?
Let’s be honest. When getting proposed to, the only thing that may come to mind is how much one loves the other. However, before the proposal, the souls may not truly think about all the important factors that ensure the spouse-to-be is truly ready for marriage. If you are considering getting married to your current partner, it is a safe choice to review the following topics and decide for yourself whether or not you are ready.
Do you both have the same visions for the future?
Not everyone is raised the same. Not everyone shows their authentic self when they are around certain people during limited time increments. Not everyone discusses how they want to age. It is hard to assume a person’s priorities. Marriage is intended to be permanent. It’s encouraged to make sure one – along with their partner – is on the same page when it comes to the everyday themes of the home. Three topics that people may not discuss with their partner while dating are the following:
- What are the probable living situations and conditions that you will be in after marriage?
- Sometimes couples have to start from scratch after marriage. Scratch may be an apartment to some and a parent’s home to others. Some are more fortunate and start married life in a new house. Where the couple starts is not important – it’s whether or not both parties are satisfied with the hand they are given. How do you see your finances in the near future? If there is one, who will be the breadwinner? You would be surprised to see how your partner reacts when being put in a stressful living situation.
- What religious beliefs and practices will be upheld in the marriage?
- Although the majority of “Ring by Spring” participants are Christians, there are certain beliefs and practices that some Christians uphold while others may not. If circumstances were not the best, would an abortion be acceptable? Will you both go to church? When and how often will you pray? Do you accept the Lord and all His teachings truthfully, or do you just do the bare minimum because that was always expected of you?
- What are the expectations for children?
- How do you both see yourselves raising the children? Do you have the same discipline practices? This is an important topic to discuss before marriage to ensure that when the couple welcomes children, they know how to handle incidents with minimal to no arguments. For example, do you want your future kids to believe in Santa Claus? Will you allow them to participate in Halloween traditions? Are any sports or clubs not allowed? Will you be alright with the child choosing a lower income profession? Although these questions may seem like small conflicts, they can lead up to big fallouts and ugly divorces.
How will you solve problems?
A couple should find paths of communication that are most efficient for them. One of the most frustrating things in a relationship is when tension rises due to something as common as miscommunication. Some are less confrontational than others and often avoid their problems. Some couples belittle the issue for too long until the issue silently grows and grows. The best way to minimize conflict between one and their partner is to know how to confront an issue appropriately, how to approach the partner, and how to properly express feelings without escalation. What is your plan if or when they cross a boundary or break your trust? Will the way you solve problems be the same or is that a separate process?
Are you good around their friends and family?
Whether one may like it or not, friends and family may affect a relationship. If one is on good terms with their significant other’s friends and family, there is a higher chance of the marriage being successful. However, some feelings can be faux coming from those close to the partner. This factor can also be affected by how transparent the designated partner is with their loved ones about the relationship. Would they discuss your traumas, habits, and secrets? This can either strengthen a family or tear it apart.
What will you do when the love weakens?
It is almost guaranteed that the honeymoon phase fades and leaves couples with the consciousness of choosing this person for the rest of their lives. When the love fades, will you accept it, or will you make a conscious effort to improve the quality of love? Dr. Lieberman mentioned in a Bustle article that, “Once you’re in a relationship, that dopamine excitement fades and eventually stops,” (Emery, 2018). Once you meet your person, your brain is flooded with dopamine to give you that deeply in love feeling. When you’re with them long enough, the concentration of this chemical dilutes. How will you respond?
Will your love truly last?
Are your love languages compatible? This may seem like a question that you would automatically answer “yes” to. However, some people don’t communicate about certain love languages that might make them uncomfortable because they feel like it will go away on its own. Ask your partner about your love languages and how they make your partner feel.
Does your partner know who they are? This question determines whether or not your partner is ready for marriage. An important foundation of a relationship is the knowledge of oneself. In order to contribute to a marriage it is important to stay true to yourself to maximize happiness. If a couple were to break up, it’s better if they are still themselves rather than being a shell of the relationship.
Do they love you, or do they love the idea of being married? Some people don’t marry because they are in love but instead believe that being married will bring happiness. However, people get married to announce, demonstrate, and remind one another of the happiness they share.
Conclusion
It is important to realize that your partner is not going to complete you. It is not their responsibility. But that is okay. You are responsible for becoming whole before you sign yourself to someone else forever. Giving someone else a broken piece of yourself hoping that they can fix you or complete you is a very selfish concept. However, if you have read this article to completion and still feel confident saying “yes,” then there is hope for your relationship. “Ring by Spring” is attainable. Congratulations on your engagement. Best of luck.
References
Divorce rate in America: 48 divorce statistics [updated 2023]. Divorce Rate in America: 48 Divorce Statistics [Updated 2023]. (n.d.). Retrieved January 28, 2023, from https://divorce.com/blog/divorce-statistics/
Emery, L. R. (2018, August 13). Why does love fade over time? we asked experts & here’s what they said. Bustle. Retrieved January 28, 2023, from https://www.bustle.com/p/why-does-love-fade-over-time-we-asked-experts-heres-what-they-said-10024806#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20reasons%20love%20can%20fade%20over,relationship%2C%20that%20dopamine%20excitement%20fades%20and%20eventually%20stops.
George, S. K. (2016). Beyond the “Ring by spring” culture – baylor university. Beyond the “Ring by Spring” Culture. Retrieved January 19, 2023, from https://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/277020.pdf
Sk. (2014, March 20). Divorce rates increase if you’re under 25. Maselli Warren, P.C. Retrieved January 28, 2023, from https://www.maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/#:~:text=To%20quote%20the%20National%20Center%20for%20Health%20Statistics%3A,are%20even%20younger%2C%20the%20prognosis%20becomes%20bleaker%20still
TodayShow. (2019, September 3). 9 things a couples therapist wants you to know before getting married. TODAY.com. Retrieved January 28, 2023, from https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403