I can still recall how bad my growing pains were as a child, the sharp pain in my leg would make me cry out for my mom while she slept just feet away from me. But now I sleep over 1,000 miles away from my mom and I can no longer cry out in my sleep, and expect to wake up and see her coming to my rescue. They say growing pains are supposed to subside around the age of 12 but mine have only become more severe. I haven’t experienced an ache in my leg in years, the aches I experience now are much worse, they are in my heart.
My mother raised me to be independent and to find strength in my independence; she has spent my whole life preparing me for the excitement of growing into the person that I am meant to be. However, I was never prepared for the pain that would come with it. The pain of not only leaving behind the people I love when I packed my bags to live over 1,000 miles away (1,655 miles to be exact), but the pain of leaving behind the person that I used to be as well. I couldn’t have prepared myself for how heartbreaking it would be to leave behind a piece of myself, while I search for the person that I am meant to be.
It’s strange though because as heartbreaking and earth shattering embarking on my journey to adulthood has been, it has also been fulfilling. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with the growing pains, because as much as they hurt, it’s a sign that I am growing, growing into the person I have always wanted to be.
Being on my own has been a whirlwind of emotions because as I mourn the loss of my old self, I am also welcoming my new self with open arms. It isn’t always easy to feel so many emotions at once, it can be overwhelming and create anxiety, anxiety about the future, but the anxiety can easily be turned into excitement with the right mindset.
I left my hometown a year ago and since then I have learned more about myself than I thought was possible in a short 365 days. I have learned how to not only love myself but how to love others, and I have learned how to stand up for myself and be confident in who I am on the inside. Most importantly, I have learned how to enjoy my own company and be happy on my own, with that came a feeling of inner peace, something we all crave.
I still cry out for my mom only now, it’s over the phone. I still experience the growing pains and truthfully, I am not sure that these growing pains will ever end. I imagine that with every new chapter of life, new aches will arise but I know the pain is worth it because the outcome is a better version of the person I used to be.
So my advice to you is to let yourself grow and to let yourself feel the pains because without pain there is no growth.