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Sex + Relationships

What It’s Like to Date Girls Who are Experimenting

A good amount of people go through a questioning period where they feel a little uncertain of where they stand on the sexual spectrum. And it’s not necessarily something you ever have to figure out. I tell people that I’m bi or pansexual but I personally have always preferred to not label myself at all. This being said, it can be difficult to have romantic relationships with women who are unsure of their sexuality.

I fully support people exploring their sexuality, especially if you’re coming to realize that you’re not really sure of it. However, I can admit that it can be emotionally straining to be the person someone chooses to use as the subject of their experimentation. I never went through a real stage in life where I questioned my sexual orientation; I spent a long period in denial of it but I never really questioned it. When I was a teenager, I went to a high school where many people did not understand my sexual orientation or how I was able to like both genders. I think it raised a curiosity in some of the girls around me and as a result, I ended up dating women who were experimenting with their sexuality. Some were upfront with me about it, some were not.

Obviously, being upfront with your partner about the fact that you’re experimenting is important, specifically if you’ve led them to believe that you’re interested in a romantic relationship. And it’s wrong to lead people into believing you want a romantic relationship when you don’t in general. That aside, I think there is a separate set of challenges with being queer in a relationship with someone who is questioning, the hardest being the uncertainty and instability of everything.

I also think a lot of insecurities can arise when you have a partner that’s questioning their sexual orientation, especially when you’re young. You might question your adequacy as a partner or think you did something wrong if the person you’re seeing comes to realize that they’re not queer. It’s important to understand that it’s not them seeing that they are personally not attracted to you. Sexuality is a complex, layered thing that everyone deserves the opportunity to explore and if you would like to help someone along in this journey, it can be a positive and enjoyable experience for the both of you.

I am a second year Literature, Media, and Communication major at Georgia Tech interested in working in marketing and/or PR. I was a writer for the Georgia Voice, a local LGBTQ magazine, and currently write for the Center of Teaching and Learning at Tech in addition to writing for Her Campus.
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