The past few weeks I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on my life. The guys I have encountered, the situations I have been in, the person I used to be compared to who I am now – you get the gist. With that in mind, a thought came into my head, “Is the saying ‘right person, wrong time’ real?” Naturally, I took to my Instagram Questions feature to get a feel for what others thought, and I was shocked to receive over 60 vulnerable opinions from college-aged people.
First, I will dive into those who said “no”.
For those who said no, the general consensus was that “If he wanted to, he would”, “The right person will work with you to create the right time”, or “People come into your life at the time you need them and leave when they need to even if you’re not ready.” Let’s dive in.
“If he wanted to, he would”
This saying always throws me for a loop because there are many times I have wanted to do something but did not. There were times I wanted to reach out to a guy I’d be thinking about but did not. For me, it’s because of fear and anxiety, which are things that can completely overwhelm a person from doing what he or she wants. Sometimes it’s not that simple. It shouldn’t be on the guy to always take the leap of faith because Lord knows I never will even if I want to badly. The same respect should be granted to guys, too.
“The right person will work with you to create the right time”
This can be true! For things like long distance relationships, busy schedules, and other similar factors – I do agree with this statement. I have seen couples make their relationships work from across the country and be happy. Sometimes in a relationship with the right person, the timing won’t always be right. Life happens and makes things complicated. However, the right person for you will work with you to have strong communication, trust, and honesty even when the timing isn’t the best. But, I do have a counter to this argument that we will dive into later.
“People come into your life at the time you need them and leave when they need to even if you’re not ready”
I agree with this one if the word “sometimes” were placed at the beginning of the sentence. Yes, not every person you are with is meant to stay in your life. Although it hurt at the time, guys I have really liked I no longer talk to. For everyone, that can be hard because of the bond you develop with that person. Not to mention, it is human nature to see a future with someone you are with so letting go of that expectation sucks. However, it is also important to recenter yourself and remember the lessons you learned from each person. It’s how you grow to be a better you. Who knows, one of those people could always re-enter as your right person.
Now, onto the general consensus of the “Yes” people. A lot of people said, “People can be right for each other but don’t fit into their current stage of life,” or “You can meet the right person but not have the mental health stability to be in a relationship with them.” I have to point out that a large number of people discussed mental health being a factor in why timing can mess things up – that I found interesting.
“People can be right for each other but don’t fit into their current stage of life”
This goes hand-in-hand with the second quote from the “No” category. Like that quote, I agree and disagree with this phrase as “stage of life” needs to be defined. Do you not have time for a relationship or do you just not want to make time for one? Not wanting to make time would indicate you not seeing the other person worth the effort of trying with (a.k.a not the right person). However, the place I agree with is that some people are not in the stage of life for a relationship, whether that be maturity wise or other factors. People could need time to mature and understand the components of making their ‘right person’ feel prioritized. People don’t enter relationships perfectly, nor are people ever perfect in relationships, and that is okay. Sometimes people need time to understand who was right for them all along.
“You can meet the right person but not have the mental health stability to be in a relationship with them.”
A lot of people said a variant of this. Having stable mental health is something not many have in college. I didn’t for the longest time, and now I realized how important it is for me to be stable not only for relationships but for myself. As such, I am a firm believer in that you must be mentally stable before entering a relationship. Say you are mentally unstable but you meet a guy that you really like and he wants to date. If this were me now, my heart would say ‘yes!’ but my brain would say ‘no’ and so, I would say no. You have to be good with yourself before you can be good with another, no matter if he is your right person or not. The right person may not understand, he may not talk to you out of hurt, but if he is the right person, he will come back when the time is right. The same goes for if your mental health becomes very unstable when in a relationship with a guy you think is the right one. Sometimes a step away to focus solely on you is needed. A person going through this exact scenario said to me, “In order to fully understand ‘right person wrong time’ you have to go through it because I didn’t believe in it until it happened to me.” Find the root of your problem and see how you can help yourself whether it be through therapy or another outlet. Once you are stable mentally, you can reassess. Evidently, you may find that guy was your right person all along. Other times you may realize the person you thought was right for you isn’t, and that’s okay too.
In all, the phrase “right person, wrong time” depends on the situation. There are people who have broken up, sworn to never speak again… only to reconcile in a different time and live happily ever after. There are people who are together, swear they are each other’s ‘right person,’ only to break up and move on. To be so confident for a definitive answer all around is proven by this article to be impossible by the counterarguments. If you’re still sitting here hoping your situation confirms the ‘right person, wrong time’ narrative – don’t lose hope as sometimes it can. The beauty of this all is that nothing is off the table especially when you are discussing the complexities of relationships. I hope it works out for all of you in the end – whatever that may be.