All relationships are on some level convenient. We will most likely choose to date someone living in the same town as us over someone living on the other side of the state because that is much easier. What I’m here to dive into is that threshold where your relationship goes from simply convenient to something deeper. If you’re curious about whether your relationship has reached that stage where you would stay together if it suddenly becomes less convenient, then continue reading. I pulled from my own dating life and intruded on the dating lives of my friends to compile this list of signs that your relationship is real, or maybe not so much.
Signs that your relationship might be relying on just convenience:
– If your significant other only wants to come over because they happen to be near your place or they’ll only hang out if you go to them every single time and vice versa. If neither of you wants to hang out or make plans that involve some extra work to plan then this could mean that if one of you moved even farther away, there would probably be no effort put in to keep the relationship going. I once had an ex that would only hang out with me if it worked for his schedule and it was a big red flag.
– If you’re only dating someone or it appears that someone is dating you for the free perks. Whether that be because one of you always pays for food on dates, one of you always drives the other around or one of you always helps the other with homework or errands. If this arrangement is nowhere near mutual, this is another sign that the relationship is more useful than about real feelings or a connection.
Courtesy: The HK Photo Company
– If you and your significant other have been dating a long time and maybe don’t get along or have the same chemistry anymore but you have a routine that would be too stressful or scary to change. Say, they always cook dinner for you, you always help them with their math homework or they drive you to class every morning. Sometimes you have to do some soul searching to realize that this isn’t what’s best for either of you anymore, even if it’s easiest.
– This one is especially tough but very true. If you’re only staying with your significant other because you’re scared of being excommunicated from the friend group, you’re probably dating them for convenience. I used to be so scared of this specifically, so I took the time to get to know and hang out with individual people in our friend group more both with and without my boyfriend and realized that they could be my friends outside of him.
Signs that your relationship has moved past convenience:
– This is something a friend said to me that hadn’t occurred to me before. If you or your partner have something important happen (a promotion, a celebration, etc.) and the other person is upset about missing it. This is a sign you care about each other and the things happening in each other’s lives, whether that has to do explicitly with the relationship or not.
– If you’ve done long distance and your relationship made it out the other side stronger than before, this is a sign it’s the real deal. I spent the summer after freshman year in a different state than my boyfriend I had met during the school year and we came so close to ending things. In the end, we cared about each other more than we cared about being apart and we became stronger for it.
– If you have gone out of the way to meet their family or they have gone out of the way to meet yours, this shows real dedication. For example, if they drove across the state with you to spend Easter with your family or you flew to go to a family reunion with them. If you’ve spent long periods with each other’s families and enjoyed it, then that is special. I went to Paris over the summer with my boyfriend’s family and he is spending this Thanksgiving with mine. This is a big step and it’s scary but if it’s worth it to you, it’s probably real.
Courtesy: Dana Sardina
– If you’ve gone through a difficult time with your partner then that shows real commitment to the relationship. If they were there for you through a depression or a particularly stressful semester or you supported them while their mom was in the hospital or they were struggling financially, it shows you’re willing to be there for each other through the good as well as the bad.
– Another one that a friend brought up to me that deserved notable mention was that if you and your partner can be apart and not think about every day you’re not together but instead think about the next time you will be together, it’s real and so romantic.
I am by no means an expert, but I like to think that this list could help point anyone struggling to understand their relationship in the right direction. If not, you at least got the inside scoop on my own dating life. Good luck out there!
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