Wishing for the Impossible: Collegiette’s Skewed Expectations on Guys

       Collegiettes, I write this somber blog post with confidence in the strength of college women, and the true belief that any given reader of this post has the profound capability of becoming as successful as her driven heart desires, despite any obstacles she may face.  That being said, I feel compelled to write about the skewed misconceptions that us women tend to face when looking for a man.  I would first like to enforce that men are simply not necessary for gals as confident and as strong as I know all you readers are. However, if we insist on finding love (or if it finds us…sigh), there are a few things we need to understand about college relationships.

      If I earned a dollar for every single time I’ve had to listen to a girl rant and rave about how so-and-so is a jerk and how they wish they were treated better, I’d be well on my way to starting a substantial grad school fund.  Let’s face it, us girls love complaining about guys.  Whether it’s the fact that they don’t bring us flowers and Chick-Fil-A in bed every single day or that they don’t text us enough, there’s almost always a “problem” in our love life. The catch is that it’s never our fault. 

     Here’s a newsflash, ladies: some of the expectations that we hold for the opposite sex are completely and utterly unrealistic.  I’m not sure what terrible hindrance in society contributed to this inflated and demanding mindset.  Maybe it was the Disney Princes of our childhood who fell in love with our beloved princesses and put a ring on it almost instantly. Maybe it was T.V. shows like One Tree Hill, where Luke ultimately commits forever to Payton and Nathan marries Hayley in the middle of high school. Honestly, I could speculate for days.  No matter what happened in our childhood/early adolescence that screwed up the wiring in our brains, it’s time to fix it once and for all.

     The following list is a composition of common complaints that girls make about boys and why they’re absolutely ridiculous.  We’ve all heard them and probably have made them at one time or another, but they need to go, and I’ll explain why:

  • “He doesn’t text me”. Then text him. Some guys have a lot of better things to do during the day than constantly peruse their cell phones (really).  You also have to take his personality into account here.  Some guys pay attention to the things in front of them rather than what’s going on elsewhere with you or anyone else.  And that’s not always a bad thing!  If he’s not what you would call a good “texter”, than he’s more likely to pay attention to just you when the two of you are actually together.  If you have something to say, just text him! You have nothing to lose, and contrary to popular belief, it’s only annoying if you keep texting him without a response or if you only text him when you’re drunk.
  • “He doesn’t take me on dates”. He’s dirt poor. I’m saying it now and I’ll say it again; WE ARE IN COLLEGE.  How much money do you have to drop on dinner at a decently nice restaurant for two people (because God forbid they take us on a “cheap date”)?  Whether he’s your long-term boyfriend or someone you met last week, college boys have plenty of important bills to pay.  This might come as a shocker, but rent, utilities, books, insurance, cell phone bills, and not to mention tuition are a little more important than making sure we get a steak dinner and a martini.  Just because he doesn’t take you on dates does not mean he doesn’t care about you.  Honestly, any guy that wants to hang out with you (generally) has his mind in the right place.  Just because he invites you over to watch a movie doesn’t mean he just wants to hook up.  It can simply mean that he’s broke and Redbox is only $1.
  • “We slept together and now he won’t talk to me”. This one is my favorite.  All too often, girls get caught up in “hooking up” with a guy.  It might go on for a few weeks or a few months, but either way we just expect it to randomly transform into a normal functioning relationship.  Here’s the deal: you can’t expect a guy to want to date you after hooking up with him the night the two of y’all met.  And here’s another newsflash: it doesn’t make him a bad person.  Sleeping with anyone outside of a committed relationship insinuates that you don’t want or expect a relationship. So, not only does the guy not think you want one, but chances are he doesn’t want one either.  Setting the physical precedent early is important for any guy-girl setup.  If you don’t want to sleep with him right away and he can’t respect that, then he’s not the right guy for you.  It doesn’t mean he’s a jerk, it just means he wants different things than you do.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.

     All things considered: Don’t settle for less than you deserve.  I’ve just preached on our superfluous expectations of males.  That being said, don’t simply resort to a mediocre guy.  If you only want to be with someone that takes you to dinner every week and calls you every night, then that’s fine! Just don’t expect to find that on campus, in a bar, and (especially) at a fraternity house (sorry to all my fratty friends, I’m just trying to keep it real).

     A lot of times we forget that we’re only in college.  Just like us, boys are still trying to figure everything out (I mean c’mon, most of them have only hit puberty like, less than five years ago). Just remember for the sake of everyone: as sad as it is to admit, we are not royalty.  We are not simply entitled to every luxury that can be offered by a male.  Relationships are about sacrifice and give-and-take from both parties, and if we want them to be successful, we have to look at both sides of the situation with sensibility and grace.