Hey all! I’m very, very, VERY excited to announce that the boss ladies over here at Her Campus FSU are letting me write my very own column! Each week I’m going to be sharing my feelings on something that catches my eye—a movie, a restaurant, a celebrity-flashing incident—and I’ll be rating said thing on a scale of one to five donuts, with one being OMG TERRIBLE and five being OMG WONDERFUL (and obviously I’m using donuts instead of stars because I’m a creative princess that can’t be tamed).
I’ll be calling my little segment “Sydney Considers” (I couldn’t come up with a cleverer name because the only word that rhymes with Sydney is kidney. Thanks Mom). Now, I know some of you may be wondering, “Why would I care about some random girl’s opinion on things?” I don’t really have an answer for that, but I have a lot of opinions about things and my therapist just quit on me (kidding, kidding).
This week, I’ll be considering Empire’s “100 Sexiest Movie Stars” of 2013.
Coming in the top ten for the men this year are:
10. Bradley Cooper
9. Hugh Jackman
8. Michael Fassbender
7. Robert Pattinson
6. Chris Hemsworth
5. Robert Downey Jr.
4. Ryan Gosling
3. Henry Cavill
2. Tom Hiddleston
1. Benedict Cumberbatch
Alright. After taking a deep breath and performing a few meditative yoga poses, I think I’m ready to rationally discuss these ranking….nope can’t do it.
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUMPED RYAN GOSLING TO THE NUMBER FOUR SLOT? NUMBER FOUR? I need the number of not only the editor of Empire Magazine, but also the president of the United States because this is a national emergency.
Gosling (4) vs. Cucumber Patch (1) : You Decide
Okay, besides my obvious concern with the placing of a certain someone, something else caught my attention. Has anyone else noticed that seven out of the top ten have recently starred in films that have been adapted from comic books? Star Trek, Thor, Superman, Iron Man, X-Men… do you smell that? Smells like a conspiracy to me. I’m not sure who would pull strings to have these guys top the charts for a magazine that I just heard of yesterday, but I’m like 99% sure that that’s precisely what happened. Once the government is back up and running, you better believe they will be hearing from me on this issue.
I can see the justification of some of these rankings from a professional point of view, but it’s not the “Top 100 Actors Based Solely on Their Acting Ability,” it’s the “100 Sexiest Movie Stars.” I’m lookin’ for pretty faces to ogle at for hours on end, not talent! (Look, Ma! No Shame!)
Overall, I’d have to give Empire’s “100 Sexiest Movie Stars” 2 ½ out of 5 donuts.
I planned on starting Sydney Considers with a positive review, but what can I say? Hot men call to me like plastic bags to cats, and I can’t help that Empire is run by a bunch of weirdos.
If you have any comments or suggestions for what you’d like me to consider next week, you can tweet me (@sydschaefer)! Stay classy, Tallahassee.