The Struggles of Miami Girls Living in Tallahassee

There is a long list of struggles that all girls living in Tallahassee face, but if you’re from Miami, that list takes on a whole other level. Although the car ride home is only a nine-hour drive, the two cities seem so far apart in almost every aspect. There are so many things that differentiate Tallahassee from Miami that they might as well be in two different states! If you’re a Collegiette from Miami living in Tally, this list will hopefully help you feel more at home.

1. People look at you like you’re crazy when you greet them with a kiss on the cheek

Seriously though, I remember the first time my friend introduced me to someone new and I leaned in to give him or her a kiss on the cheek. They just stood there looking at me as if I was from another planet. So it’s pretty safe to say I’ve had to learn the hard way that up here in Tally, when you say hi or bye to someone, you have to wave your hand hello or smile at an arms distance. No more cheek kissing ‘til you go back home! For those of you reading this who are not from South Florida, it’s customary for Miamians to say ‘hello’ with a kiss on the cheek. Is it weird? Not to us!

2. Everyone thinks you're Cuban (even if you’re not even Hispanic) because of your accent

When I moved into my dorm as a freshman, the first thing (and I kid you not) that my RA said to me was “You’re Cuban, aren’t you?” Ladies and gentlemen, I literally spoke two words to that girl, and she already assumed I was Cuban. But here’s the catch: I’m not Cuban! I’ve never even been to Cuba! And I can’t tell you how many times something like this has happened to me. Are our accents really that strong? Well if they are, I definitely can’t hear it, but apparently everyone else can!

3. You go back home and everyone thinks you’re white

“Ay mijita, where has your tan gone?” My mother tells me this every time I visit. Oh, I don’t know Mom, maybe it has left me because of the fact that Tallahassee is cloudy like 90% of the time! Miami sun, come back to me!

4. You go home and everyone thinks you’ve lost your accent

“Babe, you sound like a white girl.” My boyfriend tells me this EVERY TIME I visit! I guess being surrounded by people who aren’t Hispanic every minute of every day takes a toll on you. And that toll is losing your precious Miami accent. Don’t worry though, a couple of days back in Miami and it’ll be back as good as new.

5. There is only one salsa song at the club

…And it’s remixed into some techno crap. Every bar/club does this. I can’t tell you how many times my roommate (who is also from Miami) and I freak out and get so excited when that one lonely salsa song comes on, only to be disappointed a minute after because it ends with some generic techno song. DJs, give us our salsa back!

6. No one can understand our intricate dance moves

Now, this struggle kind of ties in with the one above. Whenever my roommate and I hear that one salsa song, we break out into our eloquent and intricate dance moves that resemble a Latin dance queen. Everyone kind of stands and stares in awe as we kill the dance floor with our many twirls and hip swaying, but our fame is short lived because the song is over in less than a minute. Sad face.

7. Cutting people off/driving like a lunatic is not acceptable here in Tally

This struggle goes without saying. One of the first things I noticed when I moved up here was how everyone drove so nicely and slowly. In Miami, it’s quite the opposite. Crazy old abuelas honk their horn if you don’t move after a millisecond of the light turning green, raging business men cut you off in a high speed chase in their Maseratis, and hearing people yell out of their windows in the middle of a busy intersection is the norm. But sadly, us Miamians cannot partake in all the fun when we come to Tallahassee because everyone here drives with caution and respect. Boo. 

8. 57 degrees is freezing

Two words: Frozen. Fountain. Do we all remember that? When, in the spring of 2014, the fountain that stands in front of the stadium froze over. What kind of sorcery is that? The coldest winter day in Miami is like 65! What I’m trying to say is, Tallahassee is way too damn cold for our liking.

9. There are no old men in the streets selling mangos and avocadoes

Instead, we have that one guy who sells old championship shirts in front of Coli on Tennessee street. Lame.

10. Your Spanish starts to sound like crap and your family thinks you’ve abandoned your roots

“Uh, mami, por favor, ensenar, mas… espanol?” You’re stuttering and stammering and acting a fool. You’ve been away from home for a while now and that means you haven’t heard a lick of Spanish in way too long. When you can’t remember how to say “pass the potatoes” in Spanish your parents freak out and insist on only speaking Spanish for the rest of the day. Whatever, you need the practice.

11. No one can handle how loud you talk

I’m going to take you back to another scenario of my roommate and me. Once when we were still in the dorms, we were having a casual conversation in our room. Within five minutes, our RA was knocking on our door asking us if everything was alright. “Oh, it just sounded like you guys were fighting cause of all the yelling in here,” she said. And that was when we realized that people from Miami do not talk, they yell, and people who aren’t from South Florida just can’t handle it!

12. We miss out on all the amazing food

The list of food that we don’t have up here in Tallahassee is never ending. Just to name a few (and for the sake of getting your mouth watery) there are pastellitos de quava y queso, media noches, Cuban coffee, Knaus Berry Farm cinnamon rolls, croquettas, Cuban bread with butter, ceviche, platanitos, and my personal favorite, tres leches. This list can go on and on, but for the sake of keeping my article relatively short, I’ll stop there.

13. Showing up to places an hour late is not the norm

I know in Miami it’s kind of a thing to show up to a party, an event, a get together, church, a wedding, a scheduled court date or the birth of your first child late, but that just doesn’t fly here in Tally. When people say seven o’clock, it means seven o’clock, not 9:30.

14. We have to pay to get into places

As girls living in Miami, it’s normal for us to get into bars or clubs for free. So it was kind of a shock for me to have to pay my first time at Baja’s or The Strip. On the slim chance of a place having a “Girls in free ‘til 11” promotion, those jerks at the front door hold the line anyway, so ladies, expect to pay up.

15. There are no beaches for miles away

‘Nuff said.