The lights dim and the women in front of me scream, “We love you, Taylor!” Raymond James Stadium is packed with buzzing excitement as everyone waits to see what will happen next. “I wonder what her surprise songs will be,” someone whispers. I have my two best friends next to me. Earlier, they sang me “Happy Birthday” as the clock struck midnight, and I turned 20.
It’s the first time I’ve seen Taylor Swift without my mom, and it oddly feels weird, like I’m up to something I shouldn’t be. I remember her call earlier as she wished me happy birthday and exclaimed how much she missed me. She brought up how crazy it was that I was seeing Taylor Swift for my 20th birthday when I had celebrated my 10th birthday by going to her Red tour. My mom tells me how fast time has gone, and I feel guilty like I’ve grown up too fast.
It’s 2013, and I’m celebrating my 10th birthday. My mom is taking pictures of me in my cowgirl hat and a handmade shirt that spells “Red” in sparkly letters as I look at the stage in awe. I can’t believe my mom got us such good seats and I’m so excited to hold the light-up poster I made that week. Earlier, my dad measured my height and marked the new quarter of an inch on the wall. I was growing so fast. I hoped that I would get a pair of Keds for my birthday so I could be just like Taylor.
We’re at Amalie Arena, only a short drive away from Raymond James Stadium. The difference between these two venues: Amalie Arena fits around 21,500 people, and Raymond James Stadium fits around 65,000 people. This major difference in seating shows the amount of growth Taylor has experienced in the past 10 years. She has more than doubled the venue capacity of her shows. While being a fan of her music for the past 10 years, I’ve realized I’ve done so much growing with her.
On her new album, Midnights, “You’re On Your Own, Kid,” talks about the harsh realities of growing up. It gives this feeling of nostalgia and leaves listeners grasping for their childhood while also wanting to enjoy the present. When she performed this song on my tour date, I finally felt what she was describing. It was as if time had stopped, and I realized that I had grown up so much. It had been ten years since I had seen her last. Within that time, I had gone to middle school, high school, and then started college. I experienced friendship changes, first heartbreaks, moving out, regrettable hair colors, and so much more. A homesick feeling washed over me, and I missed being the little girl who was with her mom, making the iconic heart with her hands, and so excited to tell her friends about the concert at school on Monday.
As Taylor sang about sprinkler splashes, I thought of the younger me. She was someone who still liked to sleep with a night light and have her parents kiss her on the forehead before bed. She read ferociously, always asking her dad to take her to the bookstore after school. She was the girl who climbed the mango tree in the backyard and made-up games about fairies, princesses, and witches. At that moment, I missed her so much that it hurt. She didn’t yet know what it would feel like to experience all the growing pains that accompany getting older.
As Taylor continued to belt about taking the moment and tasting it, I had a realization. It was like the coming-of-age moment that happens in every movie as the music quiets, the frames slow, and the main protagonist realizes her life is happening right now. It’s her turn to seize the day.
While I missed my childhood and couldn’t fathom how I had already grown up, I realized I wasn’t a kid on her own. I had the great big, beautiful world at my fingertips. My friends were alongside me, belting out the song together, and the electric energy of the group of people around me showed that we were all united by our love of music. I also had Taylor Swift, who acknowledged a feeling I, and so many other people, deeply resonated with through her song. I felt so much joy at that moment as I figured out that while I couldn’t go back to that time in my life, there was so much happiness to be lived right now. The community of 64,999 people and I sang out the rest of her song, and I know we all felt nostalgia, love, and inspiration all at once.
If you’re feeling the wistfulness of growing older like many other people our age, know you’re not on your own. We have so many beautiful memories to create, songs to sing, and friendship bracelets to make.
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