This article contains spoilers for all three seasons of Outer Banks.
The Netflix show, Outer Banks, has amassed hundreds of thousands of fans since the release of its first season in April 2020. The quarantine comfort show offers adventure, as it follows John B and his friends on a treasure hunt, all based in the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
With any highly successful show, fans began to idolize and make edits of different characters, both of which have surged since the recent release of season three. Subsequently, there has been a growing discourse regarding the best, or most datable, Outer Banks man. I’m here to set the record straight: it’s none of them.
Yes, you read that right. There are zero. None of the men in Outer Banks are dateable. Don’t worry, I understand that it’s easy to allow red flags to be veiled by good looks and charming personalities, but these men truly are something else. Here are some of the Outer Banks men and their red flags:
Pope Heyward
- Mansplainer
Out of all the men, I think Pope is absolutely the most dateable man in Outer Banks. He is smart, rational and loyal to his friends. However, he is not without flaws. He’s the brains of the group, so I fear he would overlook your ideas and constantly believe he was smarter than you.
- Drives while impaired
After being stung by wasps, Pope drove (and wrecked) a van by driving following an epinephrine dose. How is he supposed to be responsible with you if he can’t even be trusted with heavy machinery?
- Rides too hard for his boys
One of the main reasons this friend group works is because of how close and loyal everyone is. Pope is no exception, from leaving his college interview to go treasure hunt with his friends to fighting Rafe all by himself, it seems like there’s little he won’t do for his friends. It’s hard to imagine you’d be anywhere near the top of his priorities while he’s so occupied with his friends.
John B. Routledge
- Stuck on his ex
Now don’t get me wrong, John B is an extremely lovable character, but it would be hard to argue that he wouldn’t be forever hooked on Sarah Cameron after everything they’ve been through. I can’t blame him: she’s been there for him consistently and she essentially abandoned her family for him.
- Fake divorcee
John B got fake-married to a girl he is obsessed with and then later divorced her. How is he supposed to commit to you when he couldn’t even maintain a fake marriage with Sarah Cameron?
Rafe Cameron
- Murderer
Again, self-explanatory.
- Doesn’t care that he shot his sister (also tries to drown her)
The lack of empathy is definitely scary and a huge red flag.
JJ Maybank
- Grand Theft Auto, stolen gun, plus stolen cash (on multiple occasions)
This one is about that time he stole his cousin’s ambulance. Pretty self-explanatory (I hope).
- Can’t make a move
JJ liked Kie for a very long time before ever making a move and waited until after Pope had made a move. This makes me think that he can’t fight for what he wants when it comes to girls, and he would rather just wait for a convenient opportunity.
- Sweet Talker
It’s very clear from previous seasons of Outer Banks that JJ is a very charismatic guy. In season one, he convinced a security guard to let him go after getting caught red-handed stealing a key. This leads me to believe that he’d be really good at talking himself out of trouble with you and manipulating situations.
- Irresponsible spender
Like that one time when he spent hundreds of (stolen) dollars on a hot tub. Enough said.
Ward Cameron
- Murderer
Maybe it runs in the family?
- Master manipulator
He manipulated his whole family as well as the Pogues into thinking that he was trying to help them find the treasure. This man is manipulative enough to fake his own death, I’m sure he’d have no problem constantly lying to you.
- Married and probably too old for you
He is a 50-something married wealthy businessman with kids and a thirst for blood and money. I promise you he is not the one for you. There are zero redeeming qualities about this man.
Topper Thornton
- Attempted murderer…
- Doesn’t know what he wants
All Topper does is go back and forth about whether he can be on Sarah’s side or not. One minute he’s telling the cops where she’s hiding and then the next, he’s holding her when she’s upset. Then, two seconds later, he’s sabotaging people she cares about. It’s exhausting to watch, and I need him to just pick a side and stop being inconsistent.
While I love the show and all of its fun characters, they all have some pretty serious flaws that unfortunately make them seriously undatable. But I’m only human, so I’ll definitely still be watching all of the TikTok edits and loving them.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube and Pinterest!