I’ve always been afraid of losing my cat, who is 15 years old and has always been by my side. I suffer from anticipatory grief, which means that I mourn my cat’s death even when she is still alive in the same bed as me. I remember that when I first adopted my cat, I was ecstatic like any child would be. At the time, I had no idea how much of an influence she would have on my life.
When my father passed away, Jasmine provided the emotional support I needed, and she remained by my side through all of my tears and laughter. When I thought I had no one, she was the support I needed. She was always right behind me, even when I wanted privacy in the bathroom. She followed me everywhere. I find it difficult to picture my life without her and I’m afraid of when the day happens. I never knew I could love someone who does not talk and walks on four legs as strongly as I do.
When I left for college the first time, leaving her was the hardest thing I had to do. We depended on each other and it took a toll on her as well. My mom would send me videos of Jasmine meowing and wailing outside my bedroom door every night waiting for me. She would occasionally be distant or mad l when I got home, but she would quickly return to her loving self after a few days. Cats have feelings just as much as we do, and it was evident that she loved and relied on me as much as I did on her.
Jasmine has experienced every significant milestone in my life with me. She has always been by my side, and I can’t imagine a world without her. It took me a while to learn how to cope with this anticipatory grief, as it hit me really hard the first time it happened. I learned that I have to live in the present and be thankful for the times she is with us. When the time comes, I’ll think back on how she made me feel and the times we spent together. All the memories that I have would be remembered fondly and when the inevitable does happen, I will have the strength to overcome it.
Being at home over the holidays has served as a constant reminder that she is aging and is eventually going to pass away since her body is weak and tired. Grief is never simple, but even years after her passing, I will always carry in my heart the love she has imprinted on me.
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