The moment of my life that I felt truly encapsulated the experience of being an older sister was when I was watching over my sister in Burlington some years ago. While we were in the curtain aisle, unprompted, my sister bit me in the shoulder and did it so hard, she was able to hang there! It was a very confusing and frustrating moment, because why did that need to happen? No one was around to witness it, but my four-year-old sister was hanging onto my nine-year-old shoulder by her teeth.
Being an older sibling, you’ve seen your sibling do something that got a completely different reaction from when you were their age. She just back-talked to Mom, and she didn’t get her phone taken away? That’s it, I quit.
But I can’t. Being the oldest means you’re there for everyone. All your siblings look up to you, and your parents rely on you to help. I was only the sister of one for 14 years until I became the oldest of five through remarriage. In three years, my sibling quota more than doubled. I had to adjust and learn how to be there for all these people and still be the one my parents relied on. Even now, I’m still the only one of five to have my driver’s license, so when I go home, it’s Uber time for me!
I truly believe that the world keeps spinning because of oldest daughters. Need some advice? Find an oldest daughter. Need a tampon? I am sure anyone will have one, but most of the time it will probably be the oldest daughter. Need someone to look at your life choices and tell it how it is? The oldest daughter will do that. Just like a mother’s job is never over, an oldest sister’s job isn’t either. Even from miles away from home, my sister still calls me to tell me about the latest news in school and to ask for help with homework.
Here is the hardest thing about being an older sister though (besides getting in trouble for your younger siblings’ mistakes) is seeing your younger siblings live the life you wish you had lived. It’s such a bittersweet feeling. Growing up, I called myself my sister’s lawyer. I would defend her with every ounce of my being when my parents called her out. In extended family events, I made sure to talk to family when she was too scared to speak Spanish for fear of being wrong. Now that I’m in college, I see my sister do things and live in a way that I was not able to because our family is in a better place emotionally. I see my parents be the way I wished they were with me, but I’m out of the house now. I have to acknowledge that my sister and I will see our parents in a different light, and for that, I will forever be jealous.
Now, being an older sister is the proudest responsibility in my life. I love being able to guide my siblings through life and lead them away from making the same mistakes I did. I love being the first to know the gossip, the first to give advice, and the one they come to when they’re too scared to go to their parents. I may not be perfect. I’m not trying to paint myself as a martyr. I’ve had my fair share of being a crappy older sister when someone needed me, but I try.
To all the older sisters out there, I wanted to say that I see you. You fill the cracks of raising your siblings that our parents create. There might not be an Older Sister’s Day like Mother’s or Father’s Day, but your younger siblings will appreciate the work you’ve done for them soon enough. Until then, keep holding on. I promise that when they figure this out, it will be a moment that you’ll probably want to push away, not accepting that your help is being appreciated. But this will fade when you realize that you deserve that praise.
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