If ’90s romances taught me anything, it was that I was supposed to enjoy my first kiss no later than the last dance at prom. Every high school show I watched had a romantic subplot for the main character. Songs like “You Belong With Me” were inescapable growing up. From a young age, I was taught to adore the concept of young love. Relationships seemed like something teens just did.
I should have had a high school romance and a soul-crushing breakup twice over before I entered college. I came into college realizing I regretted my high school years for not being as romantic, therefore not perfect. But high school is one thing. It’s not bad, nor is it the end of the world. However, to be clueless about relationships in college was a beast. And much like Michael Jordan, “I took that personally.”
It’s interesting being a college student who never dates. To hear “just be patient” or “you don’t need anyone to make you happy” constantly is well-meaning but misses the point. It’s even patronizing when it comes from the same companies that make a million movies about the importance of young love, but also tell you it’s bad to want it. Being told that doesn’t matter by family and friends who have never been completely single for more than a year is confusing sometimes.
It’s true, happiness doesn’t come from relationships, nor does it come from a late night “you up?” text even if it has you smiling on your phone. Every single college girl and I both know that. Also, it’s hard to be patient when you know that exact look of shock when you tell someone you’ve never had a boyfriend, a kiss or something else. It makes you feel behind and socially stunted.
It’s not so much looking for happiness but more wanting to take part in the sort of fun that the rest of society gets to enjoy. I’m not looking to be wed off to the next Nigerian prince because it was never that serious. To just know the type of person I’d be like when I’m accommodating another person is something I don’t want to learn when I’m 30. I’m already terrible at telling when someone is flirting with me apparently. You can’t exactly completely understand romance with only friends, family or alone. These things that are considered milestones by society are a nightmare for minorities and marginalized people especially. It boils down to an “it sure would be nice to be included.”
Sorting these thoughts out may not be girlboss to some, but it’s not a crime to unpack. It’s not the first thought that comes to your head that’s important, but what comes after. So, I’ve been doing a lot of journaling, introspection and improving on all aspects of my life to reach a conclusion. After taking my vitamins, eating healthier and talking about it with my friends, it’s amazing. I’m still not over it. It doesn’t haunt me, but it’s still kind of there, like the old t-shirt in your closet that you never really enjoyed wearing.
I’ll put on that t-shirt every now and again. And when I do, at the very least, I’m going to have a bit of fun with it to not take it so seriously. This explains my Spotify playlist titled “Mia Thermopolis; Dream Princess.” A sprinkle of healthy delusion is good for the soul. I listen to it and it makes me feel like the main character for a few minutes. I know that I have my whole life ahead, which is true. Life has other things to offer. It’s not weird at this age to have never dated and it’s not a fatal flaw. Don’t internalize it because it’s much more common than I thought. It’s okay for some wishful thinking to happen as long as I keep enjoying myself and singing breakup songs at the top of my lungs.
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