Breakups are hard, but let’s talk about the lesser-acknowledged “platonic break up.” More specifically, platonic “best friend” breakups. Arguably, they’re worse than breaking up with a romantic partner because, well, they’re your best friend. Your confidante. Your go-to. And when in a matter of minutes that person isn’t there anymore, it can be pretty traumatic.
First, let me give you a little background with my experience in the toxic friend department. I recently suffered a pretty brutal bestie break up and, as hard as it was to finally close the door on that friendship, I am so much better off. I’m not going to lie to you though, it was difficult. However, it gave me a much-needed opportunity to focus on myself and learn what exactly made me happy. I was able to take a step back and see that toxic friendship through fresh eyes, which taught me a whole lot.
So, if you’re feeling like maybe it’s time to end a toxic friendship in your life, here are seven signs that could confirm you’re probably right.
- Everything is always about them.
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News flash, friendships work both ways. If you’re always going out of your way for them, with little to nothing in return, that’s a red flag. Don’t allow a selfish friend to take advantage of your kindness! I can’t tell you how many times I would stretch myself so thin for my “bestie” at the cost of my own mental health.
- Your BFF is extremely judgmental (like extremely).
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A hard truth: if your friend is always talking sh*t about everyone else, chances are they’re talking sh*t about you too. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “They’re my best friend! They would never.” Yeah, I thought so too. Couldn’t have been more wrong.
Let me clarify, though. Gossiping to some degree is pretty much human nature. I’ll admit that I do it too sometimes. However, there is a major difference between venting about a situation and mindlessly trashing others purely out of bitterness. The latter speaks to the character of that individual. You don’t need that negativity.
- They are masters at gaslighting.
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“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Sound familiar? That’s textbook gaslighting. No friend should make you question your own feelings. You are experiencing your feelings for a reason. That cannot and should not be questioned.
- They become passive-aggressive when you say “no.”
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There is a massive amount of trust that comes with allowing someone to know you closely. For someone to take advantage of that knowledge and guilt you when you say “no” to something you don’t want to do, is unacceptable. If you can’t hang out because you don’t feel comfortable or just want to take time to yourself, that is perfectly acceptable.
- They betrayed you.
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Betrayal by friends comes in a lot of different forms that can range from gossiping about you, to being emotionally unavailable to you, to sneaking around with your significant other. Maybe even all of the above.
Honestly, there really isn’t any coming back from betrayal either. When it comes down to it, trust is everything. Once you break that, it’s done. What’s important to keep in mind is that if they’re willing to betray you, they clearly weren’t even the person you thought they were.
- You’re scared to bring up any issues.
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Are you finding yourself avoiding discussing an issue out of fear of their reaction? That’s a problem. Any friend would want you to talk about these things. If they can’t give you the basic respect of hearing you out, it’s time to move on.
Side note: If they make you feel bad for confiding in them as if they have done you some massive favor simply by listening to you, it’s time to drop them, sis. Been there, done that, and that’s no friend.
- Being around them is starting to bring out the worst in you.
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If your “bestie,” someone who you should be able to be your complete authentic self around, is starting to turn you into someone you’re not, there’s an issue. I remember waking up one day, looking in the mirror and not even recognizing myself. In the process of trying to constantly keep my “best friend” happy, I turned into someone I hated.
Here’s some advice, don’t blow past those red flags they keep showing you. Coming from personal experience with the whole “no way, those massive red flags couldn’t possibly be that big of a deal” thought process, they are. They really are. Spare yourself the emotional wreckage, and run (better yet, sprint) far away from that toxic friendship.
I can guarantee that, at least in my experience, freeing yourself of a toxic friendship will present so many opportunities to meet some amazing people.
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