As excited as I am about returning to FSU for my junior year of college, I’ve been dreading the inevitable — long-distance.
Being from North Carolina, which is almost 600 miles away, doesn’t make long-distance ideal. Trust me when I say I’ve heard every “that won’t end well,” “you need the college experience,” and “you both will find other people” imaginable. Three years ago, when I first moved to Tallahassee and left my boyfriend behind, I thought my world was ending. Every single one of those thoughts plagued me. However, my high school sweetheart and I have made it work for two years now, and here’s how we do it:
- communication
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I can’t stress enough the importance of communicating with your significant other. Although this tip is a bit cliché, it’s solved my boyfriend and I’s issues 99 percent of the time. Talking it out can make you feel better and allow your partner to understand and support your needs.
Not only is communication important in expressing how you’re feeling, but it also aids in closing the distance just a little bit. If your partner knows more about your life, they can feel more connected to you. It works as a lifeline to maintain the connection and helps keep you both engaged in your relationship. Communication doesn’t have to be through constant texting, either. If you’re both busy, consider giving each other space or make an effort to talk over the phone. Less texting equates to having more to discuss when a phone call does occur. Remember that it’s also okay to step back from texting if you both need space.
Sometimes, it takes time for both parties to conceptualize their feelings. As long as you formulate the words necessary to create space, you can find a balance between over- and under-communicating. Communicating means building trust and boundaries, which can help with maintaining healthy relationships.
- TRUST
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I’ll preface this next tip by being blunt: if you don’t trust your partner, consider either building the trust or moving on. In my opinion, trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, and it’s the main way long-distance relationships can work. Without being able to verify your partner’s actions due to physical proximity, you must rely on honesty and commitment.
Many people, including myself, rely on physical touch to validate their relationships. However, it helps to become somewhat of a words of affirmation girl while doing long-distance. Communicating that you need affirming words can aid in building more trust between one another. Trust doesn’t form overnight; it must be fostered and nurtured to grow. Carving out time and making an effort can help build this trust because it shows that you care. Doubts may exist in your relationship, but with a good foundation of trust, you can set boundaries that work for both of you.
- boundaries
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One of the first mistakes my boyfriend and I made was not establishing boundaries for our relationship while apart. We struggled to adjust to the distance and feel comfortable with each other’s actions. We didn’t know what the other expected regarding how to live a college lifestyle. It was hard to navigate wanting “a” college experience versus wanting “the” college experience. You’re allowed to have fun while in a relationship, and that’s where trust and boundaries are helpful.
Boundaries have allowed me to set expectations and prevent misunderstandings. Some boundaries can be as little as whether you feel comfortable with the other going out, while bigger ones consist of how often you speak and how much dedication you have for each other. They can prevent feelings of being taken advantage of, ultimately bettering emotional well-being
- Independence
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Long-distance relationship or not, I’ve learned the importance of not being too codependent on my partner. Physical separation can force you to become independent and focus on individual goals. The space provided by distance has allowed my boyfriend and me to explore our interests and develop friendships. This can alleviate the feeling of being over-reliant on your partner for fulfillment. Finding identity and being secure in yourself can prevent issues of possessiveness.
When it comes to individual goals and personal development, building each other up while giving honest advice is an excellent way to include one another in this growing independence. My boyfriend and I like to remind ourselves that this is temporary and the goals we’re working toward are for our future together. We’ve never asked ourselves, “What if we begin to grow apart?” because we are growing together. Having a sense of independence makes the time you do depend on one another much more intimate while growing your love and appreciation.
- Love
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For me, the bottom line was knowing that loving and caring for one another is how long-distance relationships work out. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of a long-distance relationship if you love someone, but it’s hard to spend that much time apart. You can experience college in a fulfilling way with a partner who loves you near and far. It makes the life you’ll have together more special because you overcame so much to be together. If you commit to long-distance, find pride in the fact that you’re making a conscious choice to love every day and that you’ll soon be together again.
Long-distance relationships can have their ups and downs, but using these tips made my experience more positive!
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