There’s a song trending on TikTok called “End of Beginning” by Djo. The specific line that seems to be relevant is “When I’m back in Chicago, I feel it.” Several TikTok users have participated in a trend in which they make videos that express their “Chicago,” or where they feel most at home. Whether it be a person, place, or thing, the videos have allowed users to reflect on their most valuable aspects of life.
I haven’t read too much into the trend or attempted to figure out what my own “Chicago” might be until I arrived back in my hometown and felt that other version of myself.
I grew up in a small town about an hour north of Charlotte, North Carolina called Salisbury. With about 35K people living in the town, it’s fairly large. However, the “everyone knows everyone” mantra makes it hard to not recognize it as feeling small.
I once felt trapped by the confinement of my small town. Nothing to do here, petty drama, and adolescence were what tied me down to this place. Until I moved to Tallahassee for school about a year and a half ago, Salisbury was all I knew. It was always my goal to move far away to the state I dreamed about: Florida. I never would’ve expected myself to miss or even appreciate my little hometown once I left. Instead, I find myself longing for this place and the people in it.
I used to feel confined by the identity of childhood that existed here during my teenage years. It feels less suffocating now because I’ve grown past who I once was. It’s freeing to know that I have the choice to come back and the choice to leave.
I return home any chance I get because it reminds me of the important things in life. For so long, I yearned to be anywhere else, taking for granted the life I had here as a child. It wasn’t imprisonment, but a safe, loving atmosphere.
Every time I’m home, I fall in love with the safety that exists here. The slow-paced lifestyle, clear night sky, and non-humid air make me feel comfortable. I love the small shops downtown that have been there for years. The aged buildings make the town feel like a preservation of history. Driving on curvy back roads with the windows down and a country song playing in the background makes life feel simple. I love the change of seasons from summer to winter. God’s painting of the leaves in the fall makes death look beautiful, and the color of the springtime promises that life continues on after gray.
The outdoors aren’t the only draw that this place has. Some of the most important people in my life reside in the Carolinas. I never understood the saying “home is where the heart is” until I felt homesick not for the place I grew up, but the people I grew up with. That feeling dissipates when I’m with my family and loved ones.
Although I moved past this place, I recognize that a piece of my heart will always belong here. It’s my “Chicago.” More than that, this place taught me that the idea of Chicago can conform to other entities as well. My roommates are my Chicago. My boyfriend is my Chicago. My family is my Chicago. My childhood best friends are my Chicago. Salisbury is my Chicago. These are all interchangeable because I’ve felt it among all. I felt loved.
Returning home helps me recognize all the other Chicagos that exist in my life. Salisbury taught me that the people I feel most at home with make life worth living. Home is an abstract entity that is not defined by the place you grew up, but by the people you feel most loved with. Home is where the heart is after all.
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