The Inside on What Girls Don’t Want Guys Saying When Sliding in the DMs

Direct Messages (DMs) are an extremely low-stakes means of transitioning a social media flirtationship to a more private setting. Although it’s easy to initiate, a DM isn’t immune to the numerous hurdles and hazards infesting the online dating environment. Frankly, a DM slide is a balancing act between trying to pique a stranger’s interest while also avoiding saying anything that’ll offend or turn the person off. Now I could compile a list of things one should say when sliding into a girl’s DMs, but it’s a lot more fun to provide some real-life examples from real girls of what not to say.

Don’t be Basic

Saying “hi” is not interesting, it’s not original and it’s certainly not going to guarantee a reply. The point of a DM is to get the conversation flowing. “Hi” is a roadblock. “Hi” is the equivalent of a poke on Facebook. “Hi,” “hey,” “what’s up” and “you’re hot” can all take a seat on the bench so the adults can talk.


Physical Appearance

The vast majority of DM sliders open with some variation of a compliment regarding the person’s physical appearance. This doesn’t stand out to the receiver of the compliment; she could probably throw a rock in any direction and hit a guy who has messaged her the same exact thing. You’re just another onlooker lusting after looks instead of who she truly is. Sure, she may reply with a polite “aw thanks,” but don’t expect the conversation to last unless you seriously step up your social skills.


The Wrong Question

If your go-to opener is something along the lines of “hey lemme get that number,” the answer is probably no. So, unless you’re Zac Efron, the last thing that a girl is going to do is slide her digits to you. Were you never taught about stranger danger? Ease into it dude, then maybe she’ll actually save your contact.


Aggressive Pickup Lines

Girls may deny this, but they love a witty pickup line. Notice I said “witty.” With that being said, there’s a pretty obvious boundary between a pickup line that’ll make her laugh and one that’ll have her seriously questioning who the heck she swiped right on. The point is to entice her, so it shouldn’t be a game of “how quickly will she un-match me?”


Zero Effort

While no one is expecting you to compose a sonnet, putting in little to zero effort is a sure way to get left on read. Misspelling and typos are obvious signs that the conversation isn’t important to you. I’m not saying you have to get your buddies to proofread your DM, but if you remembered the question mark after “nudes,” maybe she would’ve considered your proposition.


Jumping the Gun

The “direct” in DM doesn’t necessarily mean you should be that direct. Tinder and Bumble are typically utilized for hookups and other activities of that nature, but on a broader scale, they’re also used to connect people with similar interests. So, while your only intention may be to hunt for your next hookup, sending “let’s bang” to a girl feels like a cheap shot. Feeling out the other person’s intentions before suggesting a hookup will definitely increase your success rate.




Business Deals?

If you’re using your dating profile as a makeshift means of building your side hustle, please just swipe left. I don’t want your mixtape or your “A1 grass.”


Catching someone’s attention online is a real feat, but no one ever said it would be easy. Let’s make it very clear, you’re never truly “sliding” into her DMs – she knows what’s going down, so you better make it worth her while.


All photos courtesy of Tawnie Simpson.