It was never my intention to spend only three years in college. Rather, I always believed that I would graduate, walking hand in hand with my friends and my boyfriend. I had come into my freshman year with maybe thirty hours of coursework, thanks to some dual enrollment and AP classes in high school. I planned to double major even though I knew that I would only pursue one field after I graduated. Well, that’s what I thought I would do until I realized that I wanted to go to grad school. If I were to graduate early, I would save a lot of money that could be used in grad school. This seemed much more logical to me.
Although this was the logical thing to do, I couldn’t help but feel that graduating early would deprive me of some of the college experience. I am not one for parties, nor am I particularly school spirited, but graduating early would mean that I wouldn’t be able to do certain extracurriculars for long (like writing for this publication) or see my friends and boyfriend if I went to a different school. I’d be graduating with a bunch of people that I didn’t know. Leaving FSU after three years instead of four would put me on a different path from anyone that I know. Would I be able to make new friends at a different school if I was a 20 or 21-year-old grad student if people in my classes were older than me?
All of these fears were circling my mind, with no clear resolution. However, I realized that I had a decision to make. I could attend grad school at FSU or a different school. Attending grad school at FSU would allow me to be around my friends and my boyfriend for another year; although I still wouldn’t be able to partake in the extracurriculars that I would want to. It wouldn’t be as drastic of a change as attending grad school somewhere else. Even so, I wouldn’t have new experiences such as meeting completely new people, living in a new place, or working with different organizations. I would lack variety on my resume.
Courtesy: Jonathan Daniels
These pros and cons of staying at FSU didn’t resolve much for me. It was as if the more I thought about it the more fears I had. The idea of going somewhere new terrified me but staying here felt like I was depriving myself of new experiences. There wasn’t a correct answer. I still think about this and I still don’t know what I’ll do. What I do know is that I have another year to figure it out. That and, it won’t be entirely up to me unless I get into every school that I apply for. Mostly, I just need to enjoy the time that I have left of my undergraduate years.
Overall, this situation has allowed me to realize that I fear the unknown. Staying at FSU feels safe to me because I have ties here. If I were to attend graduate school somewhere else, I would be starting over. How am I supposed to know how things would be in a new place? What if I hated it? Or what if I loved it? The part of me that doesn’t fear the unknown wants to have something new happen. If I could predict the future I wouldn’t, because not knowing is kind of exciting once you get past the fear.
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