My boyfriend Shawn and I are no strangers to a long-distance relationship. Beginning our relationship in the height of COVID-19, we formed a bond over our nightly FaceTimes and Netflix binges. Unfortunate as this period was for everyone, one certain perk was the unlimited time and uninterrupted attention we were able to give one another, which made the distance between us smooth and bearable. While we undoubtedly enjoyed this virtual time together, the rare occasions when we were able to be together in person were superior by far. Unfortunately for us, after persisting through the pandemic together, we were faced with a new test to our relationship: deciding where to attend college.
As we sifted through our acceptance letters together, we were sadly faced with the reality that we may end up very far apart, 1,070 miles apart to be exact, and virtual bound once again. Nonetheless, we went off to college confident as can be that we were experts in long-distance. However, we were quickly debunked and confronted with a new set of challenges that we had not previously encountered. Navigating our busy work schedules and social lives all while ensuring that the other was feeling loved and satisfied from afar proved to be quite a difficult task.
Many couples, at some point or another, are faced with the challenge of learning to manage and survive long-distance. However, in our second year of college, I can proudly say that we have not only learned to survive it but also learned to enjoy it. Overcoming the distance was hard, and still is, but here’s how we’re doing it every day.
Communication Habits
While communication is undoubtedly the most important part of any relationship, it is even more vital in the case of a long-distance one. In my relationship, my partner and I have adopted a few communication habits that have become our standard. Firstly, we have established the best time for us to communicate. To allow one another our much-needed independent time, our conversations primarily happen at night. In my experience, when we text or call throughout the day, we have less to talk about at the end of it. Talking at night allows us to be present during the day and recap our experiences and update each other when we’re not busy. A sacrifice that comes along with this arrangement is the ability to allot a certain part of our days to one another. Of course, however, there will be instances when one of us is unable to talk at night, and this can be disappointing. But ensuring that we are both communicating and allowing each other our own personal time is just a part of building respect and trust.
To go along with this, another thing that my partner and I have made a standard in our relationship is communicating our feelings. Although this can be tough to do sometimes, my partner is not a mind-reader, and neither am I. If one of us is unhappy with the other, kissing and making up won’t take us very far when we’re long-distance. Allowing myself to be vulnerable has been one of the greatest takeaways from my relationship, and it has benefited me extremely. This goes both ways as I’ve also learned to listen to his needs.
Couples Dating Apps
A fun way that my partner and I have spruced up our relationship recently and really learned to enjoy the distance has been by using apps for couples. As I previously mentioned, in my relationship we choose not to overly communicate during the day, but that can sometimes lead to overthinking or feelings of loneliness and missing. To combat this, we’ve started using a variety of dating apps like Evergreen, Official and Pocket Love. With these apps, my boyfriend and I can answer relationship questions, play games like “Who is most likely to” and even take care of a shared home and pet. That way we receive little reminders of each other throughout the day and show our love for one another without taking too much time out of our busy schedules.
Save the Dates & Countdowns
Yet another way that we have survived the distance is by always making sure that we have something to look forward to in terms of our relationship. Whether it be planning a visit to each other’s schools or a date for when we are home on break, it’s nice to know when the next time I’ll see my boyfriend is. It gives me something to look forward to and a definite date for when we can close the distance. I love having countdowns on my phone, making bucket lists and looking to all of the fun activities we’ll do the next time we’re together in person.
Old-Fashioned Love
While FaceTiming, texting and using couples apps have done a wonderful job of keeping my boyfriend and I connected throughout our distance, sometimes having a physical reminder of our love is important. Something we have implemented this school year is sending one another hand-written letters and simple care packages. The warm feeling of receiving one of these in the mail can brighten my whole week. In the past, we’ve included little doodles and I even sent him a pillow… with my face on it. No matter what’s inside, the action of sending or receiving a package or letter is one of the very sweetest displays of love in my opinion.
Date Nights
The last thing that we do to retain some normalcy in our abnormal relationship is to make time for dates. Although our nightly conversations are great, we try to have date nights every so often for a change of pace. For our past dates we have synced up a movie to watch together, played games like Family Feud, Pictionary and Jeopardy online and eaten meals together.
My wonderful boyfriend and all these factors have made for a healthy, loving and fun long-distance relationship that I couldn’t be more thankful for. Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder.
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