Courtesy: Instagram
I thought buying that “Free the Nipple” shirt was one of my best ideas to date. As a self-proclaimed empowered college feminist, I was overly excited to own such a shirt, and even more excited to wear it. I pictured myself literally strutting around campus—you know; shoulders back, chest out, chin up to the ceiling. In my mind, Hall and Oates would play in the background as I walked, like in that scene with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer. People would congratulate me for expressing myself and they would bask in my confidence.
I was wrong. More than wrong, I was dreadfully embarrassed. I did wear the shirt; I’ll give myself that. But my chin was not up. In fact, my long hair covered half of my face in case anyone that I knew saw me. My shoulders were definitely not pressed back—I resorted to my usual slouch—and my chest was kind of concaved inward. Whenever I had the chance, I crossed my arms over my chest, covering the two large semicircles. What happened to that confident girl; the girl who clicked “check out” at that online shop and self-assuredly bought the shirt? Was that girl just a figment of my imagination? And why did such a shirt cause me such distress? I was Hester, wearing a large scarlet “A” on my chest (or, well, a simple sketch of boobs).
I wish it had all been in my head, and maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but I know that people were staring. One friend of mine just looked at my chest and somewhat sarcastically said, “Wow, you’re really brave for wearing that shirt. I could never do that. Kudos to you!” It was too hot to just put on a jacket and hide myself. When I was about to run to my dorm and change, I realized that I could not fathom hiding from some poorly drawn boobs on my chest.
I recognized that this is the reason why we need the free the nipple movement. It is about so much more than just female topless-ness; it is about the double standards that we have in our society. It is about the sexualization of females. It is about the ridiculous fact that in most states it is illegal for a mother to breastfeed her child in public. It is about moving toward further gender equality. I am tired of hiding my shamed body and sexuality. From middle school days where we used code words to let fellow females know that we had our sinful periods to wearing plaid shirts around our waists to hide our butts in leggings. I am tired of being ashamed.
As I track the #freethenipple hashtag, I see the beauty in the confidence that some girls have. I am so thrilled that girls all over the world are finally taking a stand and protesting against Facebook, Instagram and online censorship. They are proud of their bodies, as they should be. As we all should be. There is nothing to be embarrassed about or scared of when it comes to our bodies. In fact, what I am ashamed of is being ashamed. I hope that one day I can participate in one of the “Go Topless!” marches that are happening all around the United States or be part of the infamous hashtag. For now, I’ll try wearing my shirt again, hopefully this time with more confidence.