I sit at Starbucks, not the one at Strozier, but the one on Woodward with the nice outside seating, and I’m writing furiously. Writing and rewriting, then rewriting and writing some more. “These plot points don’t make sense!” I rant to my best friend. “My character would never say these things!” I say as I throw my papers down, dejected. I am very anxious. I’m finishing up my final for my Fiction Technique class: a 12 page short story about whatever I want. This task that once seemed so promising was quickly becoming my biggest nightmare. Creative Writing is my major! I think to myself. I cannot fail this. Who would I be if not a writer? I muddle my way through my final draft and hand it in.
I made a C on it. Not a failure, but not exactly good enough for me either. I fell into a bit of a rough time after that. I cried, I watched an extreme amount of Netflix, I made a burrito of sadness (pictured below), but most of all I considered my future. The thought of changing my major crossed my mind for the first time, although I quickly pushed it aside.
Courtesy: Pinterest
The summer came and with it came new experiences. I worked as a Camp Counselor at the FSU Reservation (if any of y’all visited over the summer, you most likely saw me around, typically singing camp songs with a bunch of small people). I discovered things about myself. I typically worked with the youngest age group, which was 8 year olds, and I realized how much joy they brought me. With every hug they gave me, every hand I held, and every little tear-stained face I comforted, I felt something deep down in me say, “Maybe this is what you are supposed to do: share love with those around you.”
I learned from my co-workers that summer as well. Their tireless efforts and endless creativity pushed me to be more. Their examples were inspiring to me and besides my being-on-time-skills, I think I grew, and I grew in a large part because of them.
As the summer ended, I took all these lessons and hid them away, feeling that I still needed to be committed to my writing major. I will share love through my writing, I rationalized. No need to change the path I’m on. With this still stubborn mindset, I headed into fall at FSU.
Rush week came and went, syllabus week flew by, and soon enough I was back into the hub of college life. I got into a new routine and tried to balance everything I had, but soon it got to be too much for me. Confusion blurred my vision. I questioned again and again what my future would to be. Then a fatal question flooded my mind: what was the point of striving if I didn’t even know what I was striving for? And with that I decided to stop striving, and instead stayed in bed all day. I skipped class. I lived in a burrito of sadness. I didn’t see my friends. I didn’t do anything.
There came a moment in my wallowing that I realized that nothing was helping me, a choice must be made. I could stay right where I was in life, never share this love I have for others, and continue to be bitter and defeated, or I could get up, make a change, and go after what I want.
That day I made a decision that changed my life. I apologized to someone that I’d hurt. I prayed to God honestly and truly for the first time in a long time. I made sure my friends knew that I loved and cared for them. I weeded out what affected me badly and began to instill good. And then I finally opened my mind up to the possibility of a different major, and walked into the FSU Career Center.
This journey that I’m on hasn’t been easy, even this far. A big lesson I’m learning is to power through the discouragement. I took assessments that felt like they were pointing out my failures instead of my future. I was counting on the career advisor to tell me which path to take instead of making the choice myself. How crazy! Once again I was leaning towards what was familiar and not actually choosing anything but letting someone else take the lead. I had to learn and am continuing to learn how to be brave and take a chance, even if it might end in failure; to not be stuck in the box of one major; and most of all, to share this love I have.
My message in this article is one of hope. To the freshman who just got here and is realizing just how hard their major is and wondering if they made a mistake: it’s okay. If you change majors, you are NOT a failure. Believe in yourself. I sure do. To the senior who spent four years chasing a major and is just now realizing that maybe it’s not the one for you, take a deep breath. You can do this. Be brave enough to chase your dreams. I believe in you. To the sophomore that is realizing maybe college isn’t for you, close your eyes and imagine yourself anywhere in the world. If there’s a place in your heart and undeniable need to travel, find a way to do it. Chase your wanderlust. I believe in you. And to the undecided major, this is the time for you. Take every class that interests you. Discover who you are. Take time to follow a passion, even if no one wants to do it with you. Chase your true self. I believe in you.
I have so much yet to learn and I have not yet decided on a major but I do know one thing for sure: I have an undeniable love in my heart and I must do something that shares that. I hope this helped bring you hope, even if it’s just a voice saying, “Hey you’re not alone, I’m struggling with you.” If you don’t get anything else out of this please remember this one thing: I believe in you.