The tagline reads “The Best Rape Prevention: Tell College Women to Stop Getting so Wasted” and I immediately laughed out loud. Really? We’re blaming this on alcohol now?
I don’t know about you all, but I’m so tired of being told how to behave in order to prevent myself from becoming a victim. Every day that I wake up, I am immediately faced with a multitude of different things that could kill me or harm me. Tack on the fact that I’m a woman and suddenly that multitude turns into hundreds of different things.
Perhaps it’s because I don’t like being viewed as weak or incapable of handling myself, but I’m over this whole “behave yourself to protect yourself” mentality. How about you behave yourself and you don’t invade my personal space.
Can we get over this “because you drank too much you got raped” ideology, because mister keg-stand over there is black-out-drunk and I don’t see anyone telling him to be careful; instead, they just keep counting seconds and high-fiving (that being said, I do acknowledge that males get raped and I’m not trying to undermine that at all).
Am I not able to leave my house anymore? Can I only drink in the comforts of my own home? Can I even go to a liquor store? Can I pump my own gas without being undressed by the other patrons’ eyes? Can I be a woman and not fear every single day of my life because someone will see me as “defenseless” and use it against me?
And just like that, I got over being tired and got angry instead.
Let me start by saying that I’m going to be candid here. According to my sources (hi Mom), I like to think of myself as an attractive young woman. I’m a young 21-year-old who enjoys being self-centered while she can. In addition to that, I have gorgeous girl friends and we love to go out and get drinks. There is always a DD and we always look out for one another.
And this is where I get angry. Just because I’m wearing a flattering dress does not mean you have the right to put your hands on my body. I am NOT wearing it for you; I’m wearing it for me. Just because I enjoy letting off steam by getting drinks after a tiring week does not mean you can touch me.
In my apartment, we have a motto: “Don’t touch me.” Clear and to the point, we like to think it sends a very obvious message. We are not petting zoos; there is no fee you can pay in order to have the right to grope my butt as I walk past you. And just because I’ve had a few cosmopolitans doesn’t mean I don’t notice.
And I’m over the whole “I’m scared to upset a man by being honest” phase too. Don’t like that I denied YOU the right to touch MY body against my will? Not my problem. My 7th grade teacher once told our class, “Your rights end where my nose begins,” and that has always stuck with me. My body is my temple; do not violate it.
And I’m tired of images like this. They should not exist anymore.
It was a Thursday afternoon when I went to go use the restroom before class; however, my bladder completely forgot its urgency and my heart pounded in my chest as I read what had been anonymously written on the stall. Who was she? Assuming it was a she based on the fact that this was in the women’s restroom. Did they find help? Is this real? How can I help? What do I do?
I don’t know when this was written or if this person ever found the help that they needed, but I decided the only thing that I could do was write about it.
It’s time that women (and men) stop giving in to this B.S. and start fighting back. If you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody will. That means we need to put an immediate end to the articles and the people trying to teach us how not to get raped and start endorsing material that talks about how not to rape someone.
It’s not my fault. It’s not your fault. If your message to me is to say, “Don’t drink in order to not get raped,” then I have news for you. There are people in this world who are willing to take advantage of any person at any time regardless of their state of being.
As stated by Kelley Bourdet in her Refinery29 article, “Telling women they can’t lead normal lives and make occasionally irresponsible decisions and drink a little too much sometimes places the blame squarely where it shouldn’t rest: on them.”
For those who want to read the article in question please look here: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/10/sexual_assault_and_drinking_teach_women_the_connection.html
For those wanting to read a fabulous response to Yoffe’s article (mentioned above): http://www.refinery29.com/2013/10/55474/slate-women-rape?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=post
And for all else, if you or anyone you know has been the victim of rape, sexual assault of any kind, or needs counseling for any purpose at all, there are resources that exist for your assistance. Do not hesitate to call. Do not blame yourself.
Florida Council Against Sexual Violence 1311-A Paul Russell Rd., Ste. 204 Tallahassee, FL 32301 1-888-956-RAPE (7273)/ 850-297-2000/ 850-297-2002 (fax)
Refuge House, Inc. PO Box 20910 Tallahassee FL 32316 850-922-6062/ 850-413-0395 (fax)
University Center A, Suite 4100 Tallahassee, FL 32306-2440
Fax: 850-644-0687
Daytime Phone: 850-644-7161 or 850-644-2277
Weeknights & Weekends: 850-644-1234 (FSUPD).
Ask to speak to the on-call advocate.