February: the month of Aquarians, Punxsutawney Phil and the highly dreaded or anticipated Valentine’s Day.
In the time leading up to Feb. 14, the pressure to either find a date or choose the perfect gift for the one we already have may become suffocating. In this aspect, our relationships can easily become all-consuming. Having someone be your first thought when you wake up and last when your head hits the pillow can be refreshing. But you have to ask yourself: at what point is it too much?
Naturally, our lives shift to some extent when we enter new relationships. However, if this shift feels more like an earthquake, rather than a repositioning, you may have to ask yourself if you are being narcissistically love bombed.
Narcissism is a personality disorder in which one is in constant pursuit of gratification and ego fulfillment. This gratification is often chased after with little to no regard for others’ feelings or desires. Often, narcissistic people are sadistic, and seeing others hurt over them only further feeds their ego and hunger for their inflated sense of self.
With that being said, narcissistic love bombing occurs when the narcissist in the relationship attempts to make the other party completely dependent on them until eventually fading away, becoming distant or ghosting completely. The beginning of a relationship with a narcissistic love bomber feels like a real-life fairytale. In fact, they make you feel like you two are the only ones in the room and possibly the world. They bombard you with compliments and gifts, and make their love and care for you seem completely unquestionable. Sometimes, and ideally, for the perpetrator, this obsession causes the victim’s other relationships to slip away.
This obsession is a ploy by love bombers to gain your attachment. Since narcissists are constantly fiending for more validation, the ultimate form of this comes from their partner depending on them. It is important to note that most love bombers, and narcissists in general, have low self-esteem despite the mask of entitlement they wear. In return, they look for their partner to have this same attribute. Victims of love bombing typically have a codependent attachment style and seek validation in relationships. This varies from narcissists who typically have insecure, avoidant or anxious attachment styles and tend to also base their worth off of what others say/feel. However, this is an act of manipulation for the narcissist and relatability for the codependent partner.
To add another layer, the love bombing victim is often being idealized by the love bomber. To feed their ego, the narcissist will put their partner on a pedestal. Being able to attain someone highly attractive, successful and overall perfect in the eyes of the narcissist is what gives them self-worth. However, as the relationship progresses and the partner shows discrepancies in this enhanced persona that the love bomber has attributed to them, the love bomber will begin to feel uncomfortable and less successful and will begin to pull away. This pulling away often comes in different forms, and they may begin to criticize and berate the victim. In turn, the victim is reluctant to accept their partner’s toxic behavior, as they were convinced by such extreme acts of affection that the narcissist loved and cared for them.
While not all narcissists are guilty of love bombing, if you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a partner exhibiting these qualities, the root of the problem lies in the attachment styles of both parties. Being the source of your validation when entering a new relationship will help you keep from falling victim to narcissistic love bombing and a heartbreak nightmare. Stay true to yourself and value your own opinions on your worth. Don’t ignore the red flags during the season of new love.
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