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I Watched the Red Sox for One Week and Here’s Everything I Learned

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FSU chapter.

As baseball season begins, I decided it was time for me to become a Red Sox fan. Last month, I got a job offer to move to Boston, and last week, I found my dream apartment in the city! The only thing left that I need to become a true Bostonian is to be a good sports fan.

So, I scoured the internet for information on MLB TV and signed up for a one-week free trial on Amazon Prime. One week later, I know most of the players’ names, and I’m ready to share my opinions.

1. Masataka Yoshida in his clean girl era!

Masataka Yoshida is a new player from Japan with skin so flawless that he could replace Jessie Mei Li as Alina Starkov in the next season of Shadow and Bone with the way his skin emulates a sun summoner. 

While watching the opening series, I witnessed his first home run. Because this man is gorgeous, I was happier to see his glass skin reflecting the soft rays of sunlight than the baseball he hit into the stands. Honestly, he needs to be on Vogue’s “Beauty Secrets” series because I need his skincare routine. This man is a work of art…until he takes off his helmet. 

Yoshida made the unfortunate decision to dye the ends of his jet-black hair none other than platinum blonde. To make matters worse, his blonde hair has faded to a highlighter orange. Traffic cone orange. Tangerine orange. Somebody needs to get this man a bottle of purple shampoo, ASAP.

2. Alex Verdugo, Christian Arroyo and Justin Turner are all the same person.

Before this week, I knew baseball had a lot of pasty-looking men with similar-looking faces. It does not help that they’re all wearing the same outfit too. This week, as I tried to learn the names of all the team’s players, three men stumped me nearly every time. Alex Verdugo, Christian Arroyo and Justin Turner all happened to subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club at the exact same time and ended up with the same beard. I swear, that ‘stache is copy pasted onto those three men. The confusion only continues when upon closer inspection, the facial hair is all the same shade of reddish brown. Perhaps they all share one value-size bottle of “Just for MLB players,” (instead of “Just for Men”) hair dye.

3. What is Rafael Devers eating? Nobody knows. 

Rafael Devers is one of the most famous Red Sox players, yet he remains a mystery man. Every time Devers is up to bat, his cheeks are packed like a chipmunk. The internet doesn’t even know what he’s eating, and some fan theories include bubble gum, sunflower seeds, tobacco and even a finger! 

I know my mom always told me not to talk with my mouth full, but Devers’ mom probably told him having his mouth full would make him a legendary baseball player. Whatever is in there, I don’t know how that man runs bases, catches balls mid-air and swings at 100 mph pitches with his mouth stuffed to the brim.

4. Adam Duvall is the most Atlanta-looking man I’ve ever seen (unfortunately, he’s actually from Kentucky).

As an Atlanta native, I was excited to learn this week that Adam Duvall, one of the Red Sox’s newest additions, used to play for the Braves! It was not much of a shocker to me. However, once I saw this face, I realized that I know no less than 17 people I went to high school with who look exactly like him.  

Sadly, for those other 17 people, they can’t hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth inning, making the Fenway stadium crowd go wild (and me, of course, since I’m now Adam’s biggest fan). 

With a last name like Duuuuuuvall, you would think Adam might be from Jacksonville, Florida. However, with a fish in his hand and a baseball hat on, this generic-looking white boy is as Georgia as Georgia can get. Here comes the plot twist of the century: Adam Duvall is from Kentucky. 

5. Alex Cora is an outfit repeater.

I hope some people pick up the Lizzie McGuire reference here, but in every game this season, Cora was wearing the same red hoodie. This led me to question, what does this man’s closet look like? How many hoodies does he have? Can I get one?

We all know he makes enough money to afford a new hoodie, so I’m assuming it’s for luck. Although, after the Red Sox lost to the Pittsburgh Pirates, I think a new “lucky hoodie” is much needed.

Overall, Cora seems like a cool guy, and he DID lead the Red Sox to win a world series, but I wish he would spice things up in the outfit department.

I’ve learned a lot in my week as a baseball fan and I think the Red Sox would benefit from a new commentator (me) with a fresh perspective on one of America’s oldest sports.

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Hello! My name is Maya Topiwala (she/her) and I am a second year International Affairs major at Florida State University. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. I am really passionate about local politics and grassroots organizing. In my spare time, I read, cook, and hike.