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The 10 Types of Guys You’ll Hookup With: FSU Edition

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FSU chapter.

*Her Campus FSU does not promote illegal behavior and encourages all students to make smart, healthy decisions. This article does not represent the views of Her Campus FSU (or mine).

We FSU girls have all been Eskimo sisters at one point or have had similar experiences in which some of these hookups we either are proud of, regret or don’t remember. Here are the types of guys you will probably hook up with during your four years at Florida State because, well, in the Tallanasty we can’t always keep it classy. 

1. The One Freshman at the Strip 

Courtesy: Belieber files

It’s White Trash Wednesday which means you’ll whip out the high-waisted shorts, the cut-off vintage shirt and the redneck headband. You’ll be so drunk you won’t even know if you are singing country music in Ken’s or twerking on the stripper poles in Red Rocks. Eventually you will find yourself dry humping this somewhat cute guy in the middle of Yianni’s and you turn around and shove your tongue down his throat. He gets excited to have finally gotten with a girl; his only other fling was that one girl at prom three months ago. He then invites you to his place and when you cross the street and find yourself at the entrance of Degraff Hall, you now know being a cougar can be crossed off the list.

2. The Guy We Swipe Right

Courtesy: Giphy

You become tired of the constant girl nights and Jimmy Johns being the only semblance of a man you end up bringing home on a Saturday night. So you get on Tinder, it’s 1:30 a.m. and for a good 30 minutes you desperately swipe right. Everyone that has a picture with dog (or a baby—both acceptable), a picture of their abs, associated with a fraternity and if they have mutual friends are possibilities for you. Within hours a message appears saying, “Are there 21 letters in the alphabet?” Confused, you begin to count the ABCs and answer “No why?” He says, “U R A Q T.” Though cheesy, some back and forth talk leads to him knocking on your apartment door. You sneak him into your room, have a drunken hookup and when you realize that the size of the foot does not represent the size of his “head,” you kick him out saying that you think you got your period.

Warning: This tinder guy may be in one of your future classes so be prepared to change your schedule around in case this happens.

3. The Overly Excited Seminole Football Fan

Courtesy: Gr-Assets

You have walked into plenty of guy’s apartments before, but avid fans are a special kind of species. They have everything decked out on their walls with posters of the Seminoles, their blanket is of the Seminoles, their cups have Chief Osceola on them and there might even be a poster of Jameis holding a football making direct eye contact at you as you sit on this guy’s bed. He begins to talk stats and about FSU football. Two scenarios can happen here: you will nod because you have no idea about the rules of football and only go to games to admire the players’ cute butts or you will begin to argue about the defense and offense tactics of the Seminoles. However, whatever route you take, the end result will be a hookup. Afterwards, the first text he will send you the next morning will be, “Hey, so wanna meet up at the game?” I hope you choose to ignore this text.

4. The One Guy From the Leach

Courtesy: Tumblr

Sweat drips down your face as you run on the treadmill but you know your a** looks divine in those yoga pants you are wearing. So when you and that random guy lifting weights continue to stare at each other, (you gazing at his pecks while he stares indiscreetly at your a**) you aren’t surprised when he comes over and offers to be your personal trainer (as if we haven’t heard that line before). After small talk, you’ll exchange numbers, he hits you up a day late, you end up meeting up to “train” together and somehow the workout led to another workout – this one was much steamier.

5. The One Who Can Score

Courtesy: Perez Hilton

Considering Florida State has way too many intramural, club and professional competitive sports, you will inevitably find yourself ending up at the Water Polo House for one of their Beach Hoes Surfer Bro house parties or end up at the Rugby House for tailgates. Eventually you will find yourself at a VIP table in Coliseum drinking the night away with one of our football players. You will then brag to your entire friend group about how big of a guy he really is and be incapable of walking for an entire week.

6. The One Who Provides (and Smokes You Out)

Courtesy: Lovelace Media

This is the one guy you turn to when you are in desperate need of some Adderall to pass that biology midterm, when you want some weed for that one camping trip in the woods or when you need some Xanax. After several encounters, he becomes your buddy and someone you chill with for a bit, often smoking a blunt on his couch. One day things change when you begin to open up to him, and you realize the mellow pothead can actually be rough or just an adorable goofball who has potential to be your FWB.

7. The Greek A**hole

Courtesy: Tumblr

This is the guy that lives in Heritage Grove: the place where the most walk of shames happen. You will find yourself waking up hungover and naked on his bed. He won’t wake up so you steal one of his frat t-shirts (later becoming the most comfy t-shirt you own) to put over that skimpy dress you wore to Tabu. You call an Uber to come pick you up in broad day light, and you know this is the last time you will ever hear from this guy again. You walk downstairs holding your wedges while noticing a hickey on your neck. Another girl is coming down from the building across from you letting you know that atleast you’re not the only one who feels shame this morning.

8. The Liberal Arts Major

Courtesy: Pop Sugar

He can recite Shakespeare in your ear and understands when you quote Dickinson. He doesn’t believe in religion, probably thinks Republicans are stupid, respects that you are a vegetarian and has no shame about critiquing your poetry. He’s probably the guy you end up having conversation with about the true meaning of life. He’s also the guy you will most likely hook up with sober, in his car, listening to some indie band or during a concert at The Moon or Club Downunder.

9. The One Guy At Landis Fountain

Courtesy: Tumblr

This is by far the cheesiest, best move used by any guy during some point of their college years at FSU. Whether you made out with a guy sober or drunk, one thing for sure is that the only thing you were wearing was a bra. You will then freeze leaving Landis fountain and get attacked by mosquitos. He gives you his button down shirt to wear and you end up feeling like your future boyfriend has fallen from the skylines, but instead he is just a dude who knows exactly what to do to get a girl into bed. Often times, this move does work in his favor. Sorry, ladies—lets be honest, we do dig romantic hookups.

10. The One Guy on Halloween 

Courtesy: Tumblr

This one is inevitable. It can happen at a house party, in the grass or bushes, in the middle of a parking lot, at a frat house, at a bar or even in your best friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s bed (don’t know how you got there). This is the hookup where you can’t remember his face, but you wake up wearing a piece of his costume (the one piece of evidence you have other than the blurry photo your roommate was able to capture before you two got into an Uber). This is also the guy you will always refer to him as “the Minion pledge” or “Batman.”

On the bright side, the next four years will not define who you will be in the future. So whether you swiped him right, he’s in your Spanish class, you have blocked his number or he ended up becoming your boyfriend, you can know your college years have been interesting, to say the least. 

Student at Florida State University studying Communication and Creative Writing. Addicted to iced vanilla lattes, Mike Wazowski and romantic comedies.
Her Campus at Florida State University.