When Senioritis Hits

senioritis, noun.  a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance.

It's only the second week of my last semester of college and I am already feeling the senioritis. I have a feeling I am not alone in this, but it affects everyone differently because everyone has different feelings about their college career coming to a close. People also react differently to this (somewhat) made up affliction. The first sign of my senioritis was when I decided to go home the first weekend of the semester, which I have never done in the 4 years that I've lived on campus. After moving back into school on a Monday, having no classes on Tuesday (the first day of classes), and going to only three classes the next two days, I was ready to leave by Thursday. After a month of being away, I found myself disgusted with the dining hall food, annoyed that there were so many people everywhere, and exhausted because I was barely sleeping at night. 

I'm in a tricky spot mentally right now because I don't really know what I want to happen in life. On one hand, I don't want to be at college anymore nor do I want to go to class and do homework. After being a student for the last 17 years of my life, I'm tired of it. But on the other hand, I don't want the semester to end because that means I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life. It's a lose-lose situation because I know both of these options are inevitably unavoidable. When I was a senior in high school, I remember being in the exact same position. I hated high school and couldn't wait to graduate, but I was also terrified to go away to college.

At the same time of wanting my days of attending class to end, I am reluctant to join the "real world" and have to deal with things like finding a job and moving away from home and repaying my student loan debt. In reality, thinking about these things should make me cherish the time that I have left in college, but instead I have no more motivation to go to class and take notes or spend hours in the library writing papers. People have told me that once I am out of college and have a full time job I will want more than anything to go back, but I'm not sure that's true. Sure, I am nervous for the future but school was never my favorite and I can't imagine missing it. Ask me again in six months and I might have a completely different answer, but as of right now the senioritis is hitting me hard. 

I keep trying to remind myself that I can't stop time nor can I speed it up, so I have no choice but to live in the moment, even if that moment is going to class, doing homework, and eating subpar dining hall food. To all the other seniors out there experiencing senioritis already, I feel for you, and I hope you aren't as stressed about the future as I am.