Relationships are a natural part of life. Whether it’s a friendship, relationship with a partner, or family; they’re inevitable. Most people have relationships in life that have their ups and downs. We learn this with friendships more than any other relationship. You are more prone to small arguments with your friends than you are with most other people outside of your immediate family because of how much time you spend together. With those arguments, you normally try to fix them and talk things out. 99.9% of the time, these talks result in the issues being resolved completely and the friendship continues to grow and flourish beautifully throughout the time it’s meant to last. There are some, however, that grow into situations that benefit neither person in the relationship, eventually becoming toxic in nature. I am here to talk about those relationships, whether it be with a friend, significant other, or the latter; to try to help anyone out there suffering or in need of guidance on a way out. These are the many ways in which noticing a toxic relationship is worth leaving, and how to do so, through my own accounts and those of the people I know in my own life.
Spotting a toxic relationship on the outside is fairly easy. You see the two people involved slowly but surely placing themselves in situations you would normally think are genuinely poor decisions, maybe they fight constantly, they could become more distant from you or the person involved, they become more agitated, etc. The issue is, you spotting it for yourself before it escalates further. One thing to always ask yourself if you doubt the relationship is if YOU are TRULY happy. Doing this allows your brain to process the ups and downs you have had within the time of your relationship to kind of calculate which one weighs out the other. It does this by sort of asking you some questions in return like “did what this person do upset me a lot?” “has it happened more than once?” “have I spoken out to them about it?” “Has it fixed the problem?”. DON’T IGNORE THESE QUESTIONS. Comfortability is a dangerous thing. If you have answered yes to all the other questions and no to the last one, don’t become complacent with the idea that talking to them about it over and over is going to allow things to slowly work out for themselves. This is not always the case. Most of the time, people involved in toxic relationships don’t realize it because of how much they have become used to the environment they’re in. Even when others point it out, they just throw it away from the depths of their memory because they don’t think it’s true or that they can handle it. I was at fault for this. No matter how many people came forward to tell me, I wrote it off as the situation resolving itself with time. Please listen to people. People with concerns don’t want to hurt you, they want you to stop hurting. If you realize your mental health and lifestyle are declining, then maybe you should think twice if this person is worth keeping in your life. We all hate losing people, but some of them need to be lost so we can grow into better people. This can only be done by doing one of 2 things. The first thing being tackling the source of the problem by telling the person how you feel and trying to work things out so you can continue to be with them or have them in your life. The other thing being that you stop being involved with them completely. I’ve realized that this is the best thing to do in cases when the relationship has become overly toxic and you just need a way out at this point. Don’t be afraid to tell this person how you really feel about their influence in your life, and if you fear for your safety; make sure you tell them in a public place with someone you trust there with you. I’ve said this to a few people this week alone unfortunately but as I’ve gone through my own experiences, I catch on to the signs very quickly: If you are at the point where the relationship is unfixable and talking no longer solves anything, it’s time to let go. You and the other person may simply need the time apart to give the other the opportunity to grow and learn how to interact with people properly in the relationship you’re in so you can be better people for each other in the future or for each other if that’s what is intended. You may really need to get the chance to really get to know the ins and outs of yourself and your life so you can be happy. It may also be that you need them out of your life completely so you can stop hurting and finally be rid of the source of your unhappiness so YOU can finally smile again.
Whichever the case is, I hope you truly find the happiness and freedom you deserve because you are worth everything. Don’t let others dictate your happiness and self worth. At the end of the day, your life is more valuable than everything else, and your safety is the top priority. If you feel you’re in any danger, please contact the proper authorities as quickly as possible, and try to let a family member know. Don’t take matters into your own hands if you feel like your life is threatened or can be threatened. Be safe, and always remember that you’re enough. Not everyone is worth your time, but eventually you will be surrounded by people who are. Listen to your friends, partner, or family and their concerns if they bring them up about someone else in your life. Listen to the signs. Learn to watch for them.
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