If you’re anything like me, before you enrolled in college you had a very particular picture of what that experience would look like — hanging out with friends all of the time, making new experiences constantly, and generally having the absolute time of your life. The truth is, while these moments do happen, college is generally a pretty lonely experience. Doubled with the possibility of being a commuter, it tends to become even lonelier.
Social media might make us believe that while we’re sitting at home, or driving to class, or eating lunch, everyone else is living their best, unlonely lives. The truth is, though, that 64% of college students report feeling lonely often. Despite our phones connecting us instantaneously to people around the world, we are beginning to feel lonelier than ever.
As social creatures, it is natural for us to crave social interactions and deep, meaningful relationships, platonic or otherwise. So what do we do when we feel like we’re the only ones in the world this lonely?
First, take a deep breath. Stop worrying — you are, at least, not alone in your sense of loneliness. It’s incredibly common and incredibly normal. Though the feeling of being lonely is absolutely dreadful, it’s important to recognize that it is your body’s biological response to the desire to be social. The first step to overcoming a sense of loneliness is recognizing it and accepting it.
Despite the fact that loneliness hints towards a desire for us to be social, it’s incredibly common to use the technology around us as a way to remove ourselves from our loneliness and distract our minds. The problem is, these behaviors can leave us feeling even lonelier. And the cycle continues. It’s okay to accept loneliness and distract ourselves through a movie or good book, of course, but if we allow ourselves to dive into platforms that bombard us with images and videos of what we want — and feel like we don’t have — we end up feeling worse in the end. So, if you’re feeling lonely, try to take a step back and remind yourself that you are only seeing the highlights of everyone’s day. No one takes a selfie when they’re sad, and no one is going to be filming an empty room. Use your time alone to nurture yourself and attend to hobbies that make you feel productive and bring you joy. Using your time alone in order to reinforce your alone-ness will only make you feel worse.
Finally, try reaching out to a friend. It’s very likely that many of the people around you are waiting for you to make the first move. And, if not, that’s okay! Life goes on. You will have more opportunities to socialize and this is not the end — it’s only the beginning.
College can be a very isolating experience, despite its image as the singular time and place for any and all socializing. If you find yourself feeling lonely, remember that you are not alone.