Drama happens. It’s apart of everyone’s lives. But what happens when someone starts drama in your friend group? People can hurt you and the situation can quickly intensify. So what should you do?
- Set Boundaries
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If you aren’t comfortable or don’t want to be associated with the person or people starting the drama, that’s okay. Your feelings are valid. Setting boundaries allows you to consider everything that’s happened and give yourself time to heal. Without this, you could be caught in a never-ending loop of frustration, anger and hurt. If anyone says that you need to just get over it, asks you why you’re being so dramatic or tells you you’re upset over nothing, that isn’t true.
If you were wronged, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Give yourself the space and time to heal before deciding how to move on. Always remind yourself that how you feel is real and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Set boundaries by telling the person or people you need space. Tell them you need time to heal and that they need to respect that. If they try to engage you further, ignore them and if you have to block their number or social media accounts then do it. They need to respect you and your space.
- Don’t Lash Out
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If you’re angry, that’s okay. But don’t lash out. If they’re being petty, rude or toxic, don’t engage and walk away. Let it run its course.
If someone is bullying you, (i.e. gossippig behind your back, calling you names or anything else that can purposely cause harm) it’s hard to not lash out. But, bullying often happens when there is “a power imbalance.” Meaning, the bully thinks they have the power to hurt you. Instead of lashing out, just stay confident and calmly defend and assert yourself. Let them know they don’t have the power to upset you.
If the person or people in your friend group are still purposely hurting you, then walk away. Don’t acknowledge them and you take away their power.
Walk away, but don’t let them isolate you. Keep your friends close and support each other.
According to Psychology Today, a bully is often “someone with an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others, and who is also vulnerable to criticism…”
A study done at Duke University suggests bullying stems from the bully’s traumatic past. Some suffer from traumatic childhoods, drug abuse, can be less educated and more isolated.
Bullies might feel like their lives are out of control, so to feel like they have control they hurt other people.
Does this excuse their behavior? Absolutely not! It never will excuse it. But it might help you try to understand why someone could start drama or be mean for absolutely no reason.
But you have the power to choose how to react to this person, who’s main goal is to cause chaos. When people try to control the people in their lives through drama, manipulation and bullying, they know they have no power. And the only way they can gain it is by hurting the people who care for them.
- Cut Out the Toxicity
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When you have a dead leaf stealing the nutrients from the rest of the plant, you cut it off. One bad leaf could kill the whole plant. Same goes for friend groups. One person could be the reason your group is struggling to maintain itself. When that happens, you need to cut out that toxic person or people.
Cutting them off could help you regain control of the situation and start to heal. It can help your mental health and resolve and of the issues currently circulating your group.
It comes to the point where people have to decide if they should continue to deal with someone who’s gaslighting, bullying and causing drama. In the end, it’s usually not worth it.
We’re all adults, and we should all know there are consequences to our actions. The people who refuse to grow and learn will continue to cause the problems no matter the outcome. Understand that if someone is hurting you, it isn’t your fault. That person has their own demons to deal with and are struggling to do it.