All opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. They do not reflect the views of Her Campus Falmouth.
Well, there’s one thing for certain, and that is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I can’t tell you or anyone else what is sexy, because it’s up to you what turns you on. I can only talk about my opinion. However, what I really want to talk about is what it means to be sexy, without being called a “slut”.
The very vocal feminist in me hates the word “slut”. I may use it; I may even be it, who knows? But it’s a degrading term for a woman who enjoys sex in a way that most men get applauded for. Yet there’s such a huge contradiction in society about what’s acceptable for sexual appeal and what’s not. Is Miley Cyrus bending over in a marijuana-motif-thong-cut-playsuit, with her infamous tongue hanging out of her mouth “slutty” or “sexy”? Is Beyoncé singing about sex and performing a strip tease for her husband in her video Partition “slutty” or “sexy”?
Sexy is being confident with your sexuality. Sexy is being powerful with your sexuality and getting attention from the right people. “Slutty” *shudders* is putting on a show that you think a man will find attractive, and once you have the attention from whichever one looks first, you’ll give it to him. Correct me if I’m wrong. But there’s a valid difference between the two.
Is “sexy” nudity? Or is it leaving them wanting more? There’s been so much debate and controversy about women being raped because their “suggestive” clothes meant they were “asking for it”. I don’t believe this for a second. Because like I said in the beginning, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sexy is in the eye of the partner, and if a low cut top and short skirt make a woman feel “sexy”, then good for her. She’s confident enough to show off her body, and she’s beautiful, so why shouldn’t she? You never thought of it like that did you? You look at the girl baring almost all as she walks into the club, albeit not very classy, but you assume the worst. No one really notices it’s because we’re secretly all incredibly jealous that she’s brave enough.
That girl – you know the one you’re judging for being a “slut” – she’s open about her sexuality, she’s brave, honest, and she’s getting attention. Clearly “Daddy issues” right? Has it ever crossed anybody’s mind that actually that girl is just happy she can enjoy sex, or simply loves being provocative? Has it ever crossed your mind that you’re allowed to talk about it, ask for it, enjoy it? Of course it has, that’s your right as a woman. Any feminist would agree that if you have a vagina, and you want to be in charge of it, you are perfectly entitled to do so. But if you don’t want to do that then don’t, like I don’t. I would no way feel comfortable walking around with *too much* skin showing – I’m tiny, I’d get very cold very quickly – doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t, right?
What I’m trying to say is, live and let live. The line between “slutty” and embarrassing is slightly different. But “sexy” means different things for different people. If “slutty” or provocative isn’t your style, then don’t wear it, but don’t disrespect the girls who like it. Miley, to me, looks like a complete idiot; I think Beyoncé is “sexy”; and I’d describe Nicki Minaj as “slutty” (if I had to). But as much as I think that, Miley is being herself, as well as confident enough to actually pull it off – which is probably what I’m slightly jealous of. A Facebook status came up recently on my newsfeed regarding Beyoncé’s latest video Partition and the person who posted it said the video was so “slutty” and “disrespectful to herself”, which I majorly disagree with. Nicki Minaj, sorry, I don’t find that woman attractive, she’s bordering “idiot” but she’s trying to be sexy, trying too hard to be something that’s over the top, quite intimidating to a lot of men, and quite frankly a little bit terrifying. She’s not even naturally like that, and if she was I’d be even more terrified.
But as much as I think all of this about these people – do you really think they care what I have to say about them? Do you really think Miley Cyrus cares what some fashion student at the bottom of the UK thinks of her performance? Do you really think Nicki Minaj cares if I think she’s terrifyingly fake? Does Beyoncé need me to say she’s actually damn sexy, considering she already knows it? No. Does having a hateful, jealous, or nasty opinion over another woman’s sexuality and expression help me, society, or feminism? No. It just makes me look like I care more than I actually do.
So next time you see that girl, who doesn’t look “sexy”, but in your eyes, looks “like a slut”, just remember that she’s brave, and confident enough to wear those clothes. If you’re not wearing those clothes, then they’re not your problem. If you don’t want to have sex with her, you don’t have to! Live and let live. Wear the clothes you feel sexy in, act the way you think expresses your sexuality appropriately to you, and stop being scared and threatened of other people’s sexuality. Because unless it’s yours, it’s not your problem!
The film Mean Girls came out over 10 years ago, yet we never took that advice that Tina Fey gave all those girls after the publishing of the Burn Book (we all have one in our heads) where she says “you girls have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores, it just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores”. She was so right!
Sex is more than finding a hot guy who makes you climax between the sheets. Great, that’s all it is at the moment. Sex is healthy, it’s good for you. Enjoy it. Respect yourself, go out and get what you want. Women should be able to enjoy sex the way a man does, and the only way we can achieve that is if we stop degrading each other as women and celebrate each other for being okay with our sexuality. We deserve great sex lives, not to be ashamed of them.
Power to the people! Xoxo
http://thelittleblogoflife.com @__florencesmith