So the new smartphone app sensation “Tinder” is making dating 10x easier for those who find it traumatically difficult to catch eyes with the cutie reading a good book in the park, or the hot guy in the library more intersted in his essay than your new hairstyle. It’s depressing isn’t it? Meeting people… on your phone? But it’s also a hell of a lot of fun.
Before I started dating someone I met in, yes, real life (it does happen girls, I promise) – I was addicted to Tinder. My gay best friend introduced cynical old me to it, and I have to admit, it was either hilarious, cute, or slightly depressing. So I decided to share my 20 thoughts whilst using this, er, interesting dating app…
1. Having a baby/small child in your photo is an automatic deal breaker. I don’t want your baby mumma to have beef with me, nor do I want to be a step-mother (I’m 20 years old!)
2. Ooh, nice body… Oh wait, the face ruins it. Women also play the “hot body, ugly face” game.
3. I selected men; stop randomly showing me girls.
4. No! I meant to swipe right for him, my chance is gone!
5. But you were an accidental “swipe right” please stop talking to me…
6. I recognise you, where from…? Oh wait, you’re that guy I hooked up with at a freshers event… I recall nicknaming you “too much tongue”. *Swipes left*.
7. I specifically asked for men aged between 20-28. Why is this app offering me an overweight, middle-aged man with children three years younger than me and a wife who has no idea?
8. Okay we were having a great conversation until you insulted me for doing a creative degree. I think it’s a little too early to start “winding each other up” don’t you?
9. Yeah no one knows if she’s your sister or your girlfriend in your profile picture and I can’t be arsed to find out, next please?
10. I am in Falmouth right? Okay so where are all these mysterious “sexy surfers”, are they like mythical creatures or something?
11. Turning off notifications because no one takes the hint when I say “back in a bit”.
12. Chat-up lines usually aren’t ok. “Make me a sandwich bitch” DEFINITELY isn’t ok. Letting your friends send me insulting messages is a DEAL BREAKER.
13. I tell people I’m doing this “for a laugh”, when actually a boyfriend or at least a toy boy would be nice right now…
14. That guy was lush, I hope we match… *5 minutes later*… I must be ugly cos we haven’t matched but I’ve forgotten his name & what he looks like so WHATEVER.
15. Oh God, my ex is on here?! Great, he’s probably seen me on here too. Let’s quickly swipe left before he does…
16. You are making me cringe, I cannot be taking this seriously…
17. You don’t open a conversation with someone you don’t know asking if you can take me out. At least talk to me so I can determine whether you’re a bit odd or not.
18. Well you’re f*cking gorgeous, but I cannot pronounce your name.
19. On a similar note… You’re cute but I can’t help but laugh when picturing myself screaming “OH JIM” in bed.
20. On second thoughts… Why did I even think you were hot?
Enjoy girlies!
@__florencesmith