Most of us have seen the comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, where Kate Hudson tests her limits with Matthew McConaughey in order to write an article on how to effectively drive a guy away in only 10 days. *Spoiler alert* although Hudson and McConaughey do ultimately end up together, I can guarantee that if you use the following tips, the guy will not come running after you on his motorcycle. Unless you are seriously trying to get rid of this guy, do NOT think that doing any of these will help you keep your guy around (for more than 10 days, at least.)
Day 1: Tell him you think his friend you always see him walking with is a cutie. “You know your friend is really hot right?! Is he single? I’m definitely just asking for a friend of mine don’t worry. You’re way better looking than him. Totally.”
Day 2: Tell him you’ve been talking to your ex from home. “But don’t worry, we’re just going to be friends this time around!”
Day 3: Go to the Dean’s office and ask for a copy of his schedule. “So now that I have a copy of your schedule, I’ll meet you before and after each class and then we’ll get breakfast at 10:00 AM, lunch at 1:30 PM and dinner at 7 PM. Sound good?”
Time to step up the crazy.
Day 4: Bring him candy and balloons for your “weekaversary” in the dining hall. “SURPRISE! I know you hate being interrupted while you’re eating and I don’t mean to embarrass you in front of your friends, but happy weekaversary! I can tell that after this great week together we are going to be together forever!”
Day 5: When he tells you that he wants to have a guy’s night, you show up at his room ready to hang out. “When he says he wants to hang out with just the guys tonight, I’m somehow included in that too, right? He must just mean that no OTHER girls are allowed in the room…except for me of course. I mean he can’t possibly want to be away from me for a whole night!”
Day 6: Go to class with him, even if you’re not technically in that class because you don’t trust the girl he sits next too. “Now you never have to be group partners with a girl you don’t know, babe!”
Day 7: You tell him you already picked out the name for your kids. They just happen to be named after the buildings on campus. “Remember that day freshman year when you bumped into me in Campion Hall? And when you asked me for a piece of paper in Bannow? Campion and Bannow would make great names for our children!”
Day 8: When he asks you to go to eat together on campus, you dress up…a little too much. “He asked me out to dinner…I don’t care if it’s just at the stag I need to look the best that I’ve looked all year. Prom dress from junior year it is.”
Day 9: If you haven’t heard from him for more than 3 hours, you decide it’s a good idea to put up missing signs all around campus with his picture on it. “Has anyone seen Jack? He hasn’t answered my 27 texts for 2 hours and I’m getting really nervous that something happened. Here take this flyer- if you see him please call the number at the bottom. Thanks!”
Day 10: Ask him if you can wear “his and hers” shirts on the days that you walk to class together. “You know what would be so cute, babe? If we wore matching shirts tomorrow since we both walk to Canisius for class at 10! And we can take a picture and I’ll put it all over every form of social media for all of your friends to see!”