It is the farthest thing from easy, but being friends with your ex can be done. Many will not agree with this statement, and I completely understand that. For the longest time, I did not even agree with it. I was blindsided when my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me. I hated his guts for breaking my heart. Most of you reading this are probably now asking yourself, “Then why are you friends with your ex?”
Well, every relationship is different. One thing for certain is that when you’re in a relationship, you care a great deal for the other person. My previous relationship started as a friendship.
He was a huge part of my life before we even dated. Of course, it took me a long time to forgive him, and even then I had no intentions of ever letting him back in my life. Then, once I accepted the fact that the relationship was over, I realized that I missed him, not as a boyfriend, but as my best friend. It turned out that he felt the same way. Even though neither of us knew how it would work, we figured after all we had been through together that we owed it to one another to give being friends a chance. That sounded crazy at first, and it was.
There’s definitely some things one should know in the long and difficult process of trying to stay friends with an ex. First and foremost, always remember, you and your ex are not dating anymore, you’re just friends. Therefore, the relationship between you two is just a friendship, and as hard is might be to accept, that’s all it is, a friendship. Do NOT try to turn the friendship into a second shot at a relationship.
Second, know that you are not always going to want to be friends with your ex at times. He is your ex, so there’s going to be times where you will not like him and not want him around. It is understandable to have built up anger towards an ex, and even if you guys are friends, there has to be some boundaries. For example, disclosing new romantic relationships with other people might make each other jealous. Refrain from sharing details.
You’re going to have to adjust to acting differently. When you first start hanging out with each other again, it might be strange. Keep in mind you are building a new relationship with this person. It is not going to be the same so it is going to take time.
The biggest test of your friendship will be when they move on and are with someone new. Watching your ex with someone else is hard, and it is even harder to not show it. Do not get overly involved with your ex’s new relationship. Be supportive, but do not stand in the middle of it.
When they move on with someone else, no matter how much you don’t like the new girl he’s with (because let’s be real, no one likes the new person their ex is with), just remember you’re better off without him. You’ll move on with someone else too, and then you get to show him what he lost.
At the end of the day, being friends with your ex shows you’re mature and that you’ve moved on. For some people, maybe it is not possible. But for me, it was necessary. I respected my ex enough to be civil and maintain a friendship. I am happy with the way things turned out for us. We may not have been romantically compatible, but I have learned to accept that.