Though some of us aren’t fussy and fancy anything that walks, the fairer sex are often known to be very particular when it comes to choosing a partner. If you are this girl, and have a certain type of boy in mind, we’ve tried to make it easier for you to find (stalk) him by pointing out where in Exeter he is likely to be.
The Sporty Guy
Juicy thighs, muscular arms and an eight-pack – what’s not to like about athletic guys? If you want to be swept off your feet (quite literally) by one of these fine specimens, you’d better hope you don’t have a 9am Thursday morning. Regardless of your timetable, if you’re hoping for a husband from the hockey club, a lacrosse lover, a football fittay (I’ll stop with the crazy alliteration after this) or a rendevouz with a rugby rogue, you must show your face at Timepiece Wednesday.
Luckily for you, anyone who is part of a sports club will be easily identifiable. And I don’t mean because they will be roaring, “EAT IT FRESHER!”, or drowning in their own vom. No, these fellas will be sporting their special uniforms (otherwise known as ‘ones’) at night, and live in their stash on campus by day. It’s hard to resist any man in uniform, but there is certainly something about these shirt and tie combos that have so many girls doing the walk of shame on a Thursday morning.
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Edgy ‘band’ Guy
If it’s skinny jeans and snap-backs that set your pulse racing, look no further than Cellar Door on a Tuesday. Here, you are likely to find a boy in scuffed Air Max’s and an Adidas bomber, bopping along to House music with a roll-up behind his ear and a short-back-and-sides hairdo. A top tip to get chatting to one of these fitties is to hang around the smoking area with a lighter at hand. Whether you smoke or not is irrelevant – someone will need one, and you must be prepared.
Stepping things up a gear, if you’re looking for someone really out-there, check out Mama Stones on a Tuesday instead. This night features three or four performers/bands who compete to win a cash prize, and you even get a free curry (though make sure you bring chewing gum if you’re planning on approaching him afterwards to tell him you love him/ his music).
Another edgy-guy hotspot is Thursday Mosaic. The guestlist is the same as a Tuesday at Cellar Door, but Mosaic is a lot less sweaty, so your hair won’t look like it’s been caught in a blender the second you walk in. The outside area is pretty big too, enabling plenty of opportunity to strike up a conversation about trainers. And though he may look homeless, don’t be surprised if he introduces himself as Hugo from Surrey.
Mr.Sensitive
Maybe you can’t bear the idea of a guy with tighter jeans (or skinnier legs) than you, and instead are looking for someone you picture baking cupcakes with. We will refer to him as ‘Mr. Sensitive’. Without stereotyping too much, this type of guy is likely to be found ‘schweffing’ on groups of girls in the library and taking regular trips to Costa with them. Mr.Sensitive seems to be every girl’s best friend and it’s clear that all of these girl ‘mates’ secretly want his babies.
Like you, Mr.Sensitive loves a boogie, and the only place he can imagine showcasing his talent is Cheesy Tuesdays at Arena. Start re-learning all the words to Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’, or even better, practise your irish dancing for when B*Witched’s ‘C’est La Vie’ comes on (the playlist never changes), and before you know it, he’ll be shimmying across the carpet to you with a VK in hand. Just be sure that this one is definitely swinging the way you think he is.
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The Socialite
Or perhaps, like everybody else, you can’t help finding yourself drawn to that guy that seems to be centre of attention wherever he goes. Mr ‘Life of the Party’ again should be easy to spot, because this type always seems to be absolutely everywhere. You’ll catch him trying to walk through The Forum but being stopped every five seconds because he’s such a BNOC, and chances are he’s either a DJ/club promoter so you’ll know where to find him at night. If you can drag him away from his fans for five minutes to dazzle him with your drunken brilliance, make sure you come out with something other than, ‘I know who you are’.
So now that we’ve covered a few Exeter stereotypes, as long as you know what you’re looking for, you have no excuse not to find yourself a husband. If, on the other hand, you’re not sure which (if any) kind of guy takes your fancy, you have the perfect excuse to try out every night in Exeter to assess the talent available.