What is a love language? I’ve spent the past week researching (watching Tik Tok’s) everything about love languages, and this is what I’ve learnt.
First popularised by Dr Gary Chapman in his book; The Five Love Languages, this methodology is perfect for opening a dialogue with yourself and those you love to ensure that both your and their needs are met. The five languages include; acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch. One of the things I love about love languages is that they are applicable to almost every relationship in your life. So it’ll help you to better understand your relationship with your parents, partners, and friends. The thing about relationships is that they are a two-way street, and both parties need to make sure that their needs are being met for the relationship to grow and be healthy. Sometimes, it can be hard to put into words what you need out of a relationship (no matter who that relationship is with), and hopefully, this article will help you verbalise them.
Chapman’s website also includes a free quiz which will help you determine which love languages are best for you. So after you’ve finished reading this, go and take their quiz to see what your love language is!
acts of service
If acts of service are your love language, then for you, actions speak louder than words. You notice all the little things people who love you do for you. This doesn’t mean you want a big song and dance made for you or even for you to have someone running around after you, but you feel the most loved when someone can recognise that you have a lot on your plate and they take care of some of the little things. This could include helping to do the washing up after you’ve had a long day at work or opening the door for you. It could even be remembering that one time you really liked the fajitas from that restaurant and cooking a homemade version of them.
receiving gifts
If receiving gifts is your love language, then you like having a physical token of your love. Some people might this is a narcissistic love language, but for those of you whose love language is receiving gifts, then you know that it has nothing to do with being spoilt. These gifts don’t have to be expensive, they don’t even have to cost money, but you feel most appreciated when those who love you find things that remind them of you. It could be something as simple as a rock you picked up from the beach where you had a really lovely day. The key with gift giving is to make it meaningful and represent the relationship you have, no matter what that relationship may look like.
Quality Time
If quality time is your love language, then for you, there is nothing better than when someone can give you their full, undivided attention. Whilst being able to go out and do lots of exciting things is a perfect way to experience quality time, there is also something so special about being able to spend time with people without the expectation of doing anything. Just enjoying each other’s company. This love language is about being present and in the moment, so make sure you take the time to listen to your loved one and engage with them as much as you can. If you are both really busy people who live quite separate lives, then you could try doing your own thing, just in the same room. For example, if one person wants to read a book whilst the other plays a video game.
Physical touch
If physical touch is your love language, then being close to other people is how you show your affection. You might think that physical touch is about being sexual, but this couldn’t be further from the truth! As love languages aren’t just for people you are sexually attracted to, it is much more about the connection being close to each other brings. This could be things like cuddling with your friends whilst watching your favourite films, holding your partner’s hand when walking down the street or even when you want to cry on your mum’s shoulder after a really tough day. It’s that extra physical reminder that someone is there for you which helps you reaffirm their love.
Words of affirmation
Finally, if words of affirmation are your love language, then for you hearing those three little words mean the absolute world to you. It is so important for you to have those verbal reminders that people love you, or are proud of you. If someone you love has words of affirmation as their primary love language then why not try writing them a love letter expressing how you feel – it doesn’t have to be long; just speak from the heart. If you live together you could write a little something on a sticky note and put it in their bag before they go out or send them a text out of the blue how much you appreciate them or that their hair looked really nice today!