It is commonly thought that when a relationship becomes somewhat static, things are only going to go downhill. The ‘Relationship Rut’ is viewed as deal breaker. For students seeking to live in the moment and enjoy every experience to the fullest, falling into a routine of going round one another’s houses, wearing no make-up and having the mandatory standard sex before bedtime can become pretty boring. However, does a relationship rut have to be such a bad thing? When things slow down, can that in fact make you stronger as a couple? HCX explores so as to ascertain whether that ‘rut’ deserves such a negative reputation.
Before proceeding, HCX believes that it is necessary to educate our readers about what defines a ‘relationship rut.’ According to the ‘credible’ source that is urban dictionary, a ‘rut’ is “a low point in someone’s life.” Thus a ‘relationship rut’ is therefore a low point in a couple’s relationship as opposed to individuals. As helpful as urban dictionary was in trying to clarify our problems, Her Campus feels more description is necessary in order to have a full understanding with what we are dealing with here, so we have pointed out some key characteristic of what constitutes a ‘relationship rut’:
- Wearing a matching outfit of pyjamas and a big hoody every time you spend time together- yes, this may be comfy, and quite nice every so often, but not every day.
- When you pre-plan the goodnight text that you are going to send to him that evening/receiving the same goodnight text every evening.
- Having a ‘sex’ day- if you are doing the deed every Tuesday at 2 o’clock, you know things have got bad.
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From what we have learnt so far, a relationship rut is not a good thing. Matching outfits and regulated sex does not only sound extremely mundane but also appears a very obvious indication that a relationship is going stale. With this in mind it is easy to see how people may feel that a ‘relationship rut’ is the first stage on the road to break-up.
However, perhaps, it is not the rut itself that leads couples to break-up, but how the people within the relationship react to the rut. However much we like to deny it, it is always pretty obvious when the initial excitement that comes with being in a relationship begins to calm down. As the relationship evolves, those nights of spontaneous passion become more and more rare. Rare, they may be, but does this mean they become less and less exhilarating as you begin to get to know one another? Just because the sex is not as exciting as it used to be, does it mean that you don’t feel intimately connected to your partner anymore? It is not only things in the bedroom that can cause a couple to believe that they are in a rut. The more comfortable that you become with someone, the less effort that you make and if you have been going out for a long time, the more comfortable you become. However, should being comfortable with someone be viewed as a bad thing?
For many, acknowledging and recognising that you are in a rut is awful, sending many couples into despair. Organising fun things to do in order to vamp up the relationship ends up feeling forced, achieving the opposite effect to the one intended. It would seem in reacting to a rut in the same way that you would the end of the world, the problem is only perpetuated and in fact intensified. What starts as problem of being ‘too comfortable’, can very quickly become nasty, with both individuals finding faults with the other as a result of the frustration the relationship creates.
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However, does a relationship rut have to be the end of the road for a couple? If approached in the right way, can it in fact make a couple stronger? HCX would love to tell you what the right way to approach a ‘relationship rut’ is, but inevitably this is unique to every couple. We can tell you the wrong way, which involves stressing out and making matters worse.
As a friend of Her Campus commented, “going through a relationship rut with my boyfriend, ironically made us stronger as a couple. Cheesy as it sounds, surviving those couples of months has made me realise that the relationship was worth fighting for and now it is better than ever.” With this in mind, perhaps a relationship rut, rather than being the first stage in the end of a relationship, is simply a stage in your ever-changing relationship– making you stronger as a couple as a result. Recognising that you are in a ‘rut’ and making changes to keep the spark alive can help you move on and evolve as a couple. Perhaps through riding out the wave of a rut, it doesn’t have to be such a bad thing, leading to something better in the future.
Of course, for some a ‘rut’ is an indication of the end of the end of a relationship. Ironically, at university this can be viewed as a positive thing: better to cut your losses now and move on, then staying in an excruciatingly dull relationship. However, at the same time, surviving a rut can have many positive results. After all, if you can get out of the rut of sameness (organised sex, boring conversations) you can survive anything. With this in mind, HCX would say that ‘the relationship rut’ really is make or break, depending on how you choose to approach it.
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