What are the Love Languages?
In 1992 a relationship councillor, Dr Chapman, realised that different people feel love from others in very specific and different ways. A lot of the time the way people give love is the way they want to receive love. But after years of counselling couples, Dr Chapman realised that in a lot of partnerships the way each partner feels love tends to differ, leading to arguments, disagreements or just lack of understanding regarding their partner’s reactions or perceptions.
Taking the time to learn your own love language as well as your partners can improve your communication and strengthen your relationship as you learn more about each other.
Here’s what you need to know about the five primary love languages:
💖 Words of Affirmation 💖
People with this love language need and want to hear their partner exclaim words of affection. It would really boost their mood if a voice message or written note has been left for them to find! These can even include simple things like ‘thank you’ or ‘I really appreciate what you did today.’
🧡 Quality Time 🧡
This love language is centred around feeling love from giving and receiving undivided attention. This means no phones, no chores, no TV, no distractions. This doesn’t have to be a deep and meaningful conversation late into the night (those are great too though!) It can be as simple as making dinner together, eating together, and talking about your day.
💛 Receiving Gifts 💛
This person shows their love through the thoughtfulness and effort they put into finding the perfect gift. For them actions speak louder than words because they’ve thought about what the other person needs or would like, without needing to say anything at all.
💙 Acts of Service 💙
This language is about making the other person’s life easier in some way or another. This could be making them breakfast in bed, doing the grocery shopping in their place this week, or even walking the dog if they’re particularly tired that day. It doesn’t have to be huge commitments. It can small things that show your partner that you’re on hand to help them when they need it.
💜 Physical Touch 💜
People with this love language are comforted and bond with others through physical touch, from handholding on a walk into town or a reassuring touch to their arm or leg when they’re talking about something they care about. This language is the most direct way to show love in a relationship, it can be calming, reassuring and encouraging. To people with this primary love language it can sometimes have more impact than words.
In every relationship these love languages are important. You may be missing the love your partner is showing you because that is not the primary way you receive love. Taking the time to share with your partner how you feel, and how you express and receive love will help them understand you. The effect goes both ways, it will also help you understand what’s important to your partner too!
Happy Valentine’s Day! xoxo