Blind dates used to actually be blind dates in that weird time before The Internet when people had to just bite the bullet and hope their date was a normal human being. Now, though, with the joys of Facebook stalking, you’ll already know what your date looks like. If he’s disgusting, tough luck, you’re British and therefore incapable of confronting anyone. However, we have sorted out a helpful guide to get you through that excruciating hour and a half before you can feign a sudden bout of nausea (if you can convince him you’re preggers – even better) and sprint home.
Banterous Questions
How about you take the whole social construct of a ‘date’ and flip it on its axis; deconstruct it to reveal the absurdity of the preconceived customs that come with it. So really just ask him a couple of far-fetched questions that have nothing to do with anything to pass the time. What’s your shoe size? Kiwis or bananas? And, my personal favourite – would you rather lick a hobo’s knee for half an hour or swallow a tiny bird poo every morning?
Take A Phone Call
“Oh, sorry I just have to get this, It’s urgent!” It’s not urgent. It’s your exasperated housemate calling you at 8.15 (“NOT 8.20, IT HAS TO BE 8.15! REMEMBER THAT.”) so that you can leave your date and linger by the toilets for half an hour. How creative to get to explain away your ridiculous absence when you eventually return to your date? Maybe your housemate broke her leg. Maybe her limbs are intact but she broke up with her boyfriend. We’ll leave this bit up to you.
Get Blind Drunk
There’s just no hope. You don’t fancy him. His personality isn’t sparkling enough to merit being his friend. He doesn’t even have the decency to be gay?! Get drunk. Just do it. It’s a date so you’ll be in Coal, Firehouse or The Monkey Suit. Lots of cocktails about in all these places. Find the ‘2 for 1’ deal and watch the minutes start to slip away at a remarkable pace! Luxuriate in the sudden hilarity that your date seems to be bringing to the conversation! Just don’t get so drunk that he becomes attractive – there’s no guide on how to get rid of a blind date in the morning.
Remember: Always drink responsibly. Her Campus in no way endorses drinking to an excess.
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