Hallowe’en; a clear starlit sky, a wolf howling at a full moon, silvery bonfire smoke rising up through the bitter cold, and way off the in the distance… A girl in fishnets and cat ears stumbles out of a club that’s playing the YMCA.
Hallowe’en is, in our opinion here at HCX, one of the most underrated holidays of the year. Do it big and it can be the gothic party that nightmares are made of, but do it half-heartedly and you’re left with nothing more than an average night out, with the only difference being you leave covered in the fake blood of the “zombie” you became acquainted with on the dance-floor.
Hallowe’en poses all kinds of problems for girls, the most common being “I want to look scary, ya know, but not like SCARY. Just kind of sexy scary”. And so follows the hordes of sexy witches, slinky cats and slutty nurses. When treading the line between fabulous gothic princess and straight up hooker, it’s important to consider three key principles: temperature, fear factor and originality. Balance these, and you are free to conjure dark spirits in nothing but underwear should you so choose.
So first; temperature. Without sounding like anyone’s Nan, Hallowe’en falls at a very cold, and usually wet, time of the month, meaning skyscraper heels should of course be worn (they should always be worn) but with EXTREME caution. Similarly, black leather hot pants can be teamed OVER patterned tights to minimise the chances of getting frostbite in your bum cheeks. If there’s one thing a woman knows about dressing for the cold it’s that layering is key, and Hallowe’en is no different: one slutty layer over another. Although we may be aiming for scary, ending the night blue lipped with hypothermia isn’t a good look for anyone.
Next we have fear factor. It doesn’t matter how badly you want to go out and pull the man of your dreams, it’s time to accept that Hallowe’en is primarily scary, not sexy, and that maybe tonight Prince Charming is going to come in the form of a blood spattered lumberjack. However there is always the “distract and attack” technique; you cover yourself with very convincing prosthetic knife wounds/slashed throat/incredibly terrifying makeup and people are going to notice those levels of commitment first, and your lack of clothes second. People will commend you for your fantastic efforts and you are free to “shake what ya Mama gave ya” in peace. Let’s not forget that scaring people is also hilarious and wickedly satisfying.
Finally, the most important rule of Hallowe’en sluttery is ORIGINALITY. You can make ANYTHING scary and you can make ANYTHING sexy. Naughty witch? Yawn. Sexy nurse? Bore. Half naked-zombified Queen Cleopatra, dripping with blood, holding a severed head and adorned in rubber snakes? Now we’re listening. Whether you want to blend in or stand out, Hallowe’en is a time to dare to do something different. Even the most shy of folk can throw on a mask and for one night be anyone they want to be. You are completely boundless. There is no “sluttiness” among the undead. So those are your three factors to consider when you choose your Hallowe’en costume this year. Instead of asking “Is this skirt too short? Are these heels too high?” ask yourself “Has this short skirt been embellished with enough plastic bugs, fake eyeballs and blood? Do these heels look enough like deadly assault weapons?”
And remember, you have the whole year to be the gorgeous, sexy and beautiful you, but only one night to be the half-naked, terrifying, super freak you. So make the most of it!
Photo credit – www.thejanedough.com