For a girl, Hallowe’en is one of the best times of the year where no excuse is needed to wear next to nothing. Bum and breasts; bear it all, ladies. There is always a way to explain that strip of toilet paper that barely covers your decency (obviously you’re a Mummy) or the top that you’re passing of as a dress, because, of course, you’re a cheerleader who’s had her clothes ripped off by a passing zombie. And there is no look that can’t be Hallowe’en-ified by a pair of black cat ears and whiskers. What can possibly be scarier than a cat?
However, alas, life is not so simple for the males of our species. The majority of them, let’s be honest, struggle with fashion at the best of times, claiming that shopping is for girls, and half-heartedly throwing on a snapback in order to ‘complete’ a look. Hallowe’en could, perhaps, be the only time where they spend longer than twenty minutes getting ready. Yet they still get it wrong year after year.
The problem is that they take it far too seriously. Perhaps they should have spent a little less time in the fancy dress shop and a little more time paying attention when some girlfriend or another forced them to watch Mean Girls: everyone knows “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”. Above the age of fifteen, Hallowe’en is no longer about looking scary and collecting sweets. If you didn’t already know that, then it’s better to learn now than find out the hard way like Cady had to…
[pagebreak]
Just as there is nothing attractive about a girl dressed in a dated wedding dress, fake blood and rubber fangs, there are a few looks that guys should learn to avoid:
-
Zombie – white face paint is never a good luck, especially not when accompanied by a fake plastic bolt that we’re all meant to believe has really, yes really, gone through his neck.
-
Pumpkin – too round, too orange. Just no.
-
Devil – appealing in thought, less appealing in reality. Especially when you wake up with sheets stained red.
-
Ghost – you will regret this when you wake up next to somebody who did not have the face you imagined. Sometimes that sheet with eyeholes is over their head for a reason…
-
Wizard – dressing like Harry Potter, who we started watching when he was a mere child, is not just unappealing, but also slightly creepy (and not in the way it’s meant to be on Halloween).
The only way any of the above costumes become attractive on a guy is if he’s taken a leaf out of the girls’ book and is doing Hallowe’en with as little clothes on as possible. He can be painted as red as a tomato, but if his six pack is solid enough to grate your candy on, then it will be worth all the sheet washing in the world. However, if his costume covers all the good stuff, then it doesn’t matter how many times he suggests you go back to his for a game of ‘Hide and Shriek’, some nightmares you just can’t wake up from.
Picture Credits: weheartit.com