Dear Beauty Industry: What Were You Thinking?!

“Dear Beauty Industry, What Were You Thinking??” : The Weirdest Beauty Treatments You Didn’t Know About

Dear Beauty Industry,

Now the cold weather hasn’t been kind to our skin these past months, and we’re always on the look-out for something new to try out. Consequently you have provided; there are some amazing products available, despite the occasional gimmick. We’ve all fallen for the small print on adverts which claim that a whole 4 out of 5 people asked (an astounding and highly representative 50 people in the entire UK) claimed to have seen results! BUY IT NOW!!! But some of the products and treatments you’ve come out with recently are too much. Here are some examples:

  •  Snail Gel

This is a relatively new product; a gel that’s said to have amazing moisturising properties, as well helping your skin look and feel rejuvenated. It’s made from the substance naturally secreted by snails (yes, the silvery trails that run up and down your garden path), and this is apparently what allows the snails to heal from minor injuries so quickly, and so somebody came up with the million-dollar idea (bit ambitious?) to safely farm the, ahem, “by-product”, bottle it up and sell it to all those looking for a new kind of insect goo to put on their face. Nothing like a bit of entrepreneurial drive! We’re not sure how we feel about this, but if can you get past the image of our little garden friends and concentrate on the lemony fresh scent I’m sure there’s something to it. 

  • Vampire Face Lift

We all saw Kim Kardashian undergo this “treatment”; the vampire face lift is another fad featuring in Hollywood. The procedure includes taking a sample of your own blood from your arm, after which the specialist will filter out the platelets. Then using small acupuncture needles, the platelet rich plasma is injected into the upper layers of the skin on your face, allowing you to attain that “witness at a murder scene” appearance we’ve all been longing for… Painful; yes. Extreme; yes. Insane; definitely! Where were we going with this…?


  • “My New Pink Button”

This new product appeared and then swiftly disappeared from the realms of Amazon, and is a step up from Essex-born embellishment “The Vajazzle”. No, we’ve not ever thought it necessary either. “My New Pink Button” boasts that there is “no other product like it”, and here at Her Campus we are not surprised! A temporary genital cosmetic colorant which claims to return your downstairs to its “youthful, fired up look”, it’s available in four shades; Marilyn, Bettie, Audrey, and Ginger, all of which are currently out of stock! Some of the customers have even posted excitedly about the products, one of which begins “As a 27-year-old, I recognize that I have begun the long decline into old age…”. We’re not convinced… 

  • Intravenous Vitamin Therapy

A “treatment” rumoured to be favoured by Simon Cowell and even Rihanna - the celebrity trend of IV. Vitamin therapy is one we’re actually intrigued by. It includes being hooked up to an IV that feeds you a vitamin mixture known as “Myers’ Cocktail”. Of course we’ve done our research on the science side, and this can actually be a method of treating problems like migraines and headaches, chronic fatigue, respiratory infections, and even cardiovascular diseases! Sounds like it's exactly what you need after a heavy night? Well at a price of between $100-$300, and many devotees attending once or twice a week, the maths shows that this will cost more money and time than we can afford!


Clearly the days are gone when the religious application of night-cream was the only secret – the skin-conscious are unquestionably a progressive folk. But some of the things people will spend their hard earned money on are just ridiculous! The pursuit of looking young and gorgeous is a road we all travel, but seriously…  

So, beauty world, you’ve gone too far this time. Please, give us a break!?

Tell us what you think – or if you’ve tried any of these yourselves!

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