The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
Sometimes I sit and find myself drifting away. Thinking about that one time I was piggybacked across the street one rainy night at 3am, after leaving my friends at the club to go meet someone. Or that time where I got out of bed to go drink with my partner at the time who was suffering from a raging comedown (according to him alcohol and I were the only cures). I felt so in love, and so happy during these moments in my life but upon retrospect I see how dangerous they were for me. I became addicted to these extremely ‘high-highs’ whilst dating at university. Once I finally found something healthy, it was unbelievably boring to me. I didn’t know how to cope without the constant guessing on whether my partner even liked me, or the rush of excitement I was used to experiencing through gaining the approval of partners. I also hadn’t taken time to heal from the unhealthy situationships so this relationship didn’t last very long either. It broke my heart to pieces, but I knew that I had to sort out something within myself, as my love life was constantly a cause for concern.
So why did I get so attached so quickly to people? A year ago, I would have laughed in anyone’s face if they told me that I had been showing unhealthy attachment behaviours towards partners. I never would have considered myself an obsessive person, and I still don’t, however it is so easy to float down this route with the combination of low self-esteem and partners who thrive off external validation. Since starting therapy and delving into my own psyche, I can identify my thoughts and feelings in those situations and play with the root of the problem. I know society discusses the importance of self-love and self-worth, so it can be tiring to hear about its role as the medicine to unnatural attachments. Building up a sense of self that you love and adore will attract healthy partnerships. Learning more about attachment theories helped me sift out the parts of me which needed more work than others. I use a lot of Instagram pages to keep me informed on this topic as it offers an accessible route into important information that has kept me weary of behaviours. These are some of my favourites: @millenial.therapist, @psychotherapy.central, @thebraincoach, @browngirltherapy.
I don’t exactly know why I went down the spiral of latching on to people, and it being the be all and end all of the partnership if it didn’t turn out how I envisioned it. But I know now that the strength to walk away from emotionally unavailable partners combined with high self-worth is the key to forming strong, real connections with people. I plan on continuing my life connecting and reconnecting with others because I know my worth, and that I am more than capable of maintaining rich, fulfilling relationships.