“Such a sick touchdown Brady made in the 1st, I thought the Pats were supposed to blow this year.”
“23 yards? Whatever, man. It was over when Tennessee fumbled the ball, and the Pats scored off that. Tennessee was done before the half.”
Fumbles? Pats? It’s football season already? Don’t panic Collegiettes. Though the leaves have yet to start turning here in Hotlanta (and probably never will), the official NFL season has begun, and you better believe that this will be the lunchtime convo in Cox for a while. But for those of you who don’t even know what a football looks like, let alone the lingo, rules, or if your hometown has a team, we at Her Campus Emory are here for you.
So here is the breakdown:
• Four Quarters: Football is broken down into four, 15 minute quarters on a stopped clock. By this we mean that the clock stops in between each play, so this “15 minutes” is actually very deceiving.
• Touchdowns: One way to score points in the all-American game. Each TD is worth 6 points and can only be scored by entering the END ZONE (either run in or caught within the large rectangle at the end of the field).
• Field Goals: The large yellow “Y” at the end of the field is where the ball must pass to gain the extra point after a touchdown, or three points if it is kicked in without a touchdown (this gets more complicated—so, lets stick to the basics). The ball must be kicked through the yellow posts in order to count for any points.
• Positions: The main position to remember is the quarterback. Though there is no “I” or, in this case, “QB” in team, for the sake of time, this is the position that receives the most screen time. They control the play and place the ball after each snap (when the ball is awkwardly thrown between the legs, which looks rather inconvenient).
• Offense and Defense: Self-explanatory. Offense gets the ball down the field while defense tries to keep it from doing just that. NOTE: a single team’s offense and defense do not play at the same time. When the other team gains possession of the ball, the defense enters the field for the next play, and offense heads to the bench.
So, is it starting to make more sense? No? That’s okay! They key to making it seem like you know what you are talking about is to find one piece of information and hold on to it (for dear life). In other words, play your very own game of bull $h*t. You may not know what a fumble is (when the offensive team drops the ball and the other gains possession), however you can talk a good game if you look up some facts on ESPN (or overhear the dudes in the corner talking about it) and just repeat them in the next conversation. For instance, “Ben Roethlisberger is finally giving up the ball faster with the new Steeler offense,” or, “Even though the Steelers don’t have a solid running back, it doesn’t seem to be affecting them yet,” are comments that are pretty generic, but also will seem to give you a “know” of the game and past seasons. If you can do this, you will immediately spark interest and probably get the guy ranting on some other tangent about the game.
Still lost? Just nod your head and add the occasional “I know, that was crazy!” For the most part, even the biggest meatheads won’t expect you to spit out game details, as long as you at least pretend you watched some of the game. If you know who played whom, or maybe even the score, your sheer intelligence will carry you through even the dullest of conversations. Good luck Collegiettes, we believe in you.