Dear Real Life Emory Guy,
Now that summer is approaching, when is the appropriate time for the “are we staying together over the summer” conversation? Any advice for how it should go?
Sincerely,
Loves summer, HATES confrontation
Dear Loves summer, HATES confrontation,
If you’re having this problem, congratulations, you’ve successfully been a part of a college relationship that didn’t suck or end terribly! But you’re not out of the woods yet. The “are we staying together over summer” conversation is an important one, and could end dreadfully if it isn’t handled correctly.
Here are my suggestions:
Know where you stand on the issue before you bring it up, BUT be open-minded at the same time.
If you want to stay together that’s great, but don’t forget that it’s a two-way street.
For those of you on the fence about which way to go, consider these questions: Do you see yourself dating this person for a significant amount of time in the future? Do you find yourself happier when you’re with him (that’s really for people who are out of the “honey moon” phase of a relationship)? Do your summer plans REALLY allow for a long-distance relationship? Do you really want the responsibility of a boyfriend this summer?
If you answered yes to all or most of my questions, go for it! You may have found yourself something really special. If you answered no to most, I’d recommend ending things, at least for now. If you’re pretty split, weigh the questions against each other and see which are most important to you.
This decision is really up to the two of you, not your friends; remember that. Yes, your friends may have good advice but don’t always take what a girlfriend (or guy friend) says as law. That is one thing that I wish all girls realized. Yes, your friends are always there to help you when you’re conflicted, but in the end you need to make the decision because it’s what you think is best for you, not what your friends think.
Once you’ve made the decision for yourself…
Have the conversation ASAP.
Finals are already starting and you don’t need it hanging over your head while you’re trying to study. Not to mention that you leave for home 24 hours after your last exam and won’t have time to worry about the conversation then! You both know that it’s coming, so you don’t need to beat around the bush.
Ease into the conversation.
Start talking about how great of a time you’ve had with him this _______ (insert amount of time you’ve been together here) and then gradually get into your thoughts on the subject. Remember he might not feel the same way as you do.
The most important thing you can do is make sure that no matter what you decide, you spend your last few days together effectively. If you aren’t going to stay in a relationship over the summer, take advantage of the time you have left together and enjoy each other’s company. If you are staying together, talk about how you’re going to handle the issues that could come up during the next few months.
Good luck and have a great summer!!
-RLEG