Of all the commonly petty and largely inconsequential relationship questions there are out there, this one may
be one of the more difficult to answer. What are you supposed to do when you go home for breaks and see that old high school boyfriend or girlfriend?
As with any general question like this there are obviously variables that come into play. There are those high school couples that only broke up because they didn’t want to give the long distance relationship a shot, even though they still had feelings for each other. There are those relationships that gave the long distance thing a try, only to find out what a b!t@h that is and broke up because they couldn’t handle it. Or there are even those relationships that ended before the participants left for college but there’s still a tension when they see each other. In any case, my advice remains relatively consistent.
Now, let me preface the rest of the article by saying that when it comes to situations like this, I am a pragmatist—I make decisions based on what I think are the most practical and rational courses of action. I choose to actually think about these things as opposed to those who prefer to make decisio
ns based on the emotional context of a situation. Sometimes it may be appropriate to act on instinct but for the most part, emotions simply confound our ability to think clearly and make wise choices. Anyone who “follows their heart” like they’re in a romantic comedy will have that heart broken before long. I realize that saying all of this is completely pointless because those individuals who do prefer to make decisions based on whatever sentimental bull$h!t their heart is telling them, will not be convinced to do otherwise by some anonymous article. So to those people I can only wish the best of luck, my advice applies more to those people apt to respond to reason.
And my advice is simple: steer clear of continuing this high school relationship. Drawing it out will only prolong the inevitable breakdown of the relationship, and most likely cause it to be more painful for all parties involved. Contrary to what you both might be telling each other, you will not be able to h
ook up casually, for old time’s sake, without renewing some of the feelings you thought you had gotten over. Don’t make the mistake of convincing yourself otherwise.
If you go home for Thanksgiving break and hook up a few times, and then you talk a little bit while you’re at school, and then you come back home for the full month of winter break and start hooking up again, then you’re basically right back where you were when you left for school in the first place.
Trust me, I’ve seen it and it doesn’t end well. For those of you that are still in love with your ex and just broke up
because of the distance, this advice applies MOST to you. It’s likely that you went through a tough time when you first left for school, missing your ex and all that $h!t cause you still had feelings for him. It is also likely that over the months you started to feel progressively better and think about your ex progressively less. If you go back for break and decide to start hooking up again, you’re bringing yourself back to square one. It’s like when people who are addicted to cigarettes are trying to quit, there’s a couple months hump, that if you make it over, you’re four times more likely to quit for good. It’s the same thing here, if you make it past Thanksgiving and winter break without relapsing with your ex, you’ve made it over the hump and chances are you will be able to completely get over him and actually move on with your life.
In my head it’s pretty simple. Being hung up on someone from your past really only distracts you from finding someone that may be even better for you. Making Thinking about some guy from home who’s probably moving on is just pointless when there may be guys at school that are actually in the same area code as you and may be able to make you just as happy, if not happier.
Going home for break and hooking up with an ex under the false pretense that it’s going to be casual is only going to prolong the transition period. And this is not to say that reuniting with an ex is impossible. Maybe at some point down the line you guys will end up in the same city at the same time and realize you’re good for each other.
But before this is even a possibility you both need to have space to experience other things and other people to even know that you’re right for each other. Maybe after four years of college you’ll figure out that you had it right in high school, or maybe you’ll realize your first relationship was dysfunctional as $h!t. But I digress, in terms of what to do over break when you see your former flame, be smart, listen to your head and not your blabbering heart and I promise, you will be happier in the end.
Peace,
RLEG
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Emory chapter.