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Serena and Blair in Suburbia

Blair Waldorf and comrade Serena van der Woodsen are the epitome of perfection. Their style is flawless, their personalities are straight fire, and their swanky NYC apartments? Give me a break. I watched the entire Gossip Girl series from a two story suburban home and practically drowned in jealousy. As I headed off to high school, they were on the steps of the Met eating yogurt and fresh fruit. As I struggled to find an outfit to wear, they were scrolling through their miraculous closets with ease. I just about hated these two (incredible, amazing, flawless) beings, yet my hypocritical self still strives to embody their poise on a daily basis. This combo—this partner in crime posse—has always been the ultimate goal. They have always been so out of reach; a desired image entirely worthy of envy. But what if Serena and Blair were one of us? What if the Upper East Side was swapped with something, well, a bit more lackluster? Could Blair or Serena ever survive the lives of the suburban youth?

Let’s get rid of those apartments for a hot sec. Take away the cocktail parties and the high society drama, because I have a feeling we aren’t in the city anymore, Toto. Welcome to suburbia, where you’ll find a Starbucks every once in a while. Maybe there are some bowling alleys here and there. Oh, and shopping plazas? We’ve got plenty of those (sans high fashion boutiques, of course). Let’s put these two fashionistas to the test of navigating the lunch room, slamming lockers, running to class and finding something to do on a Friday night. Let’s put these two in a situation where they’d be humorously relatable.

First things first: Serena van der Woodsen? This girl would be the athlete with the hidden agenda. I’m thinking Nike, Nike, Nike. She’d take out all that built up anger and stress on the grassy fields behind the gym. She’d be the star athlete: the spunky, competitive one that deserves every ounce of respect. Though it took her NYC character a little while to figure things out, it’s positive that the sway and ease of a suburban setting would relax her nerves ASAP. Her weeknights would be full of late runs to Chipotle or Sweetgreen, give or take some light homework readings every now and again. And the weekends? Those would be for the girls. Bring the team over for pasta night, for god’s sake. Oh, and it’s almost positive that Serena would be the powerhouse of the lunch table. She would know everyone, know things about everyone, and really wouldn’t care if someone liked her or not. She would be far too busy with practice and numerous extracurriculars to even give that junk the time of day. And her favorite school meal? Mozzarella sticks. Always.

Blair, on the other hand, would be the girl in Talbots. The young one who stole from her mother’s closet after she left for work. The one in cardigans, loafers and skirts, regardless of the weather outside. She would be the most powerful scholar there ever was. Number one in the class, and most likely not number one in your heart. She’d ace anything, even if it meant staying up all night to do so. Her time outside of class would be spent learning more and figuring out ways to halt the #2 kid from inching up on her. Would she steal his math book next? Or maybe find a way to manipulate his AP English essay? The possibilities were endless. She’d swear to never eat anything from the cafeteria (those mashed potato bowls would give her stress dreams), and would shake her head at sports teams, drama programs and musical instruments. If it wasn’t homework, it was a complete and utter waste of time. But be careful; one snarky comment about her intelligence and you’re out. She’s had years of beating others to the top and isn’t afraid to spread rumors or, yes, tattle-tale. She’ll even manage to remind the teacher to check that homework assignment she forgot about. You’ll probably hate her, but dang, at least she’ll know what’s up. She’d also spend her weekends in the downtown coffee shop, doing an assignment due in three weeks. Oh, and she’ll also take the time to peruse finsta and laugh at her peers’ attempts at trying to act cool in someone’s basement. She thinks you’re pitiful. She’s also probably involved with four honor societies, ten scholarly extracurriculars and five AP courses. How the hell does she do it?

In short, Blair and Serena would still, somehow, find a way to rise to the top. With their motivation and power, these two could manage to achieve success in any scenario. They’d succeed in a different way and still manage to have those killer personalities that, yes, have a tendency to bite. But if that works for them, so be it. Though seeing them in this setting would be more realistic, it’s their dramatized lives in New York City that really gives Gossip Girl the pop it demands. God, how I’d wish these two went to my school, though. Could Blair help me with my homework? Could Serena give me the incentive to participate in gym class? Could we peruse Abercrombie and American Eagle on the weekends? Until I reach their level of status, I don’t think anything like this could ever happen (except maybe in my dreams). These suburbanized stars would still manage to shine more than anyone else. They’d still be able to make me look bad. I’d still be envious. But it never hurts to wonder what these stiletto wearing boss ladies would be like as they walked down a bleak, tiled hallway in the middle of nowhere.

A sophomore Marketing Communications major who cares way too much about pastel coats and hazelnut coffee.
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