Tinderella. The Tinder Slayer. These are the nicknames that I earned among my friends my first semester of college, and if I am being honest, they’re not an exaggeration. They were only given after many hours of swiping and countless hookups from the app.
It’s kind of funny actually—I never thought I would download Tinder, or any dating app for that matter. I always thought, or maybe hoped, that I would meet men at parties, bars, or even in classes. But in the online dating scene that Millennials and Gen-Z’s are more or less forced to be immersed in, I ended up downloading the app.
Making a Tinder account started out as a joke. A few weeks into college, my friends downloaded it for a laugh, and I decided to join in on the fun. I remember picking pictures that I thought I looked pretty in for my profile, but included less serious ones as well. My bio was simply the word “dancer” with the emoji of a face sticking its tongue out and winking. “This will get the guys to swipe right,” I joked. I can’t say I was wrong in making that statement. So many of the messages I received were, “You’re a dancer? That’s hot.” or “Can you do a split?” I had to laugh.
Before long I was getting matches, and messaging college guys from schools all around Boston. While the act of doing so was comical—because sometimes all you can do when you receive a disturbing message is laugh—it was also sort of unexpected, and out of my comfort zone. I think it’s safe to describe me as kind of boy crazy, even since elementary school, but just because I thought about boys a lot, didn’t mean I acted upon it. It felt as though I didn’t have many options in high school partly because my school only had an enrollment of only about 1,000 students, and partly because a lot of the guys were trash if I’m being completely honest. When you’re with the same group of kids from kindergarten through your senior year, you stop looking at the guys in your school as viable options. You know too much about them, and the interest just isn’t there. I had only hooked up with one guy in my highschool during the whole four years, and lost my virginity to someone who had left the district in middle school, just before I left for college.
All that being said, it’s safe to say that my first Tinder meetup was a big deal. We messaged for a little bit, met at a party about a week later, and hooked up later that night. We were both new to having sex, and making that clear to eachother was rather important in the whole process. Because of this, there were little expectations, and we could figure out what felt good and what didn’t together. When he left my dorm room a few hours later, I felt empowered. I made the decision to swipe right. I made the decision to meet up with him. And I made the decision to have sex. There was no pressure, and it felt as though I had control. As freshman, we weren’t looking to date. We just wanted to have sex and through hooking up, I learned that this is more than okay. So often, girls are told to watch out for the boys who just want to “smash and dash.” But there is nothing wrong with just wanting sex, nothing less, nothing more. If all the girl wants to do is have sex, and all the guy wants to do is have sex, then there is nothing wrong with the situation.
To be clear, in this instance, the guy didn’t just smash and dash. We continued to talk over Snapchat, and had sex a couple more times. But soon, the act of hooking up with him sort of fizzled out. I’m not sure why exactly, but this wouldn’t be the first time this happened.
I continued to meet guys off Tinder, and hookup with them. It was so effortless, and so fun. I was learning things about my body that I wasn’t aware of before. I don’t think a woman should ever feel the need to seek approval from a man, but making someone else feel good makes you feel good too.
As I continued to engage in Tinder hookups, flings died out along the way. One guy stopped talking to me as much because he found someone at his own college that he became exclusive with. Another guy stopped talking to me altogether for reasons I am still not sure about. In high school, this would have sent me into weeks of overthinking, leaving me feeling immensely insecure. But I was finally starting to get it: sometimes things aren’t personal. Sometimes, for whatever reason, things just don’t work out, and not everyone owes you an explanation. If you accept a hookup for what it is, and go in with little to no expectations, you save yourself a lot of heartbreak, and can just enjoy the different experiences you will have.
After a semester of Tindering, it’s safe to say that it taught me life lessons more valuable than any classroom ever could. Hooking up with my matches has brought me more confidence, and a better understanding of college hookup culture. I now have a lot of crazy stories, and have had some pretty good sex.
But even princesses need a break. I’m not saying that I don’t go on Tinder from time to time, or talk to anyone I met on the app. If I’m being completely honest, I met the guy I am currently seeing on Tinder several months ago. But for right now, I am going to spend less time swiping, and more time focusing on building relationships with those who are already a part of my life. And who knows, maybe I’ll get my happily ever after.