Middle school was single handedly the worst time of my life. Some people peaked here—if that’s you, congratulations—but the majority are very well aware that I did not. I was a hot mess. If you asked me then what I thought of myself, I’d probably make some weird, animal-like noise and shove a handful of Cheetos in my mouth. Truly despicable. Looking back at old photos makes me cringe, seeing clothes from sixth grade makes me gag, and running into old videos? I don’t even bother to venture there. Sure, it was a weird time for most of us, but just looking back makes me wonder what on earth I was thinking nine times out of ten. Do I think this experience shaped me in some fantastical way? Absolutely not. Would I go back and do it all over again? Change the way I lived sixth through eighth grade? Na-da, nope, I’ll pass. Long story short: Brunette girl with a knack for L.L. Bean clogs and Snoopy graphic tees will never be seen again. Hasta la vista, middle school, and the following reasons why you were the lowest point of my career thus far:
1. I had a Picnik membership
Remember when Picnik was the old VSCO? This computer editing program was my favorite after school activity. I’d spend hours editing photos (the majority being shots from the Apple Store—how cute) and even begged my Grandma for a membership for Christmas. This is great, nothing wrong about it, but I went way too far. Having access to everything on this site opened too many doors that deserved to be kept shut. I’d put quotes on my pictures, colorful backgrounds, stickers; everything. I used to think my new works were equal to those of Picasso. These photos went everywhere (hello, new Facebook profile picture every two days) and I’m ecstatic this phase didn’t last too long. Can you imagine what my LinkedIn would look like if my immature use of Picnik stuck around? My Instagram aesthetic? I’m having stress dreams just thinking about it.
2. Penguins were my best friends
Club Penguin was my mode of communication, the bane of my existence. The light of my life; fire of my loins. I would run home every day just so I could spend hours upon hours in my room talking to penguin pals across the world. I communicated with “friends” via AIM and soon found them replacing actual people in my life. I had a Membership (another Christmas gif—thanks everyone for your support) and went wild. Puffles upon puffles. Clothes upon clothes. My Igloo was worth thousands. The majority of the money I made on this site was won through an insane cheating system I had downloaded, but that’s another story for a different day. In short: I was a Club Penguin fiend. If friends wanted to hang out after class, I was too busy. I’d even stay up until five a.m. strolling across the Plaza like a brainless fool. This game, in other words, ruined me and my ability to be social. Why didn’t my computer ever get taken away?
3. Talbots Kids was my go-to brand
Okay, why didn’t anyone tell me about Hollister? Abercrombie? Aeropostale? I caught on way too late and thought Talbots Kids was the coolest thing ever. I’d even look into the Children’s Place more often than not. Clothing was something I did not understand—something I rarely cared about—and trends went right over my head. Instead of UGGs, I was wearing clogs. Instead of shirts with brand names splashed over them (which debatably weren’t great, either) I was wearing graphic tees with cardigans. I stuck out like one of those thumbs from the Spy Kids movies. Back then, I wasn’t sure what I was wearing and I’m sure as hell still in the same boat. What was I wearing? And why was I wearing it? I didn’t feel comfortable or confident in any item I owned, so beats me. Huge shoutout to PacSun and Urban Outfitters for truly saving my life as I entered the slightly less confusing world of high school.
4. My music taste was a hot mess
Middle school was a time of mediocre music. Back then, these were the hits, the jams, the blaring songs at school dances in the gym. But now? They’re the reason I’m too afraid to be handed the aux cord. 3OH!3, Glee, the Naked Brothers Band, Kevin Rudolf; the list goes on and on. Sure, they’re great throwbacks, but I would never want my “peak” to be associated with such wild soundtracks and singles. I would plug these songs into my iPod Nano and hit the road. I really thought they were the epitome of lyrical beauty. Little did I know that none of these artists would stick around (and I’m glad this “music taste” didn’t last too long, either).
5. There were too many embarrassing moments to handle
Let’s be frank: There were way too many existential crises in my middle school years. I would consistently fall down the stairs, make too many outfit mistakes, and use ‘XD’ as a way to end my messages. It wasn’t that I was figuring myself out; it was just that I was careless and strange. Period. Each day consisted of a number of embarrassing moments and the majority failed to teach me valuable lessons. If anything, they taught me to not be stupid (which I think is pretty common sense for most).